Lose 20 Friends with These 30-Minute Workouts

May 6, 2019 by , featured in Food and Recipes
Share this on
  • 30
    Shares

Working out sucks. It literally has the word “work” in it. Nobody likes it, but you insist on doing it in a group anyway, so at least let your friends suffer for as little time as possible. They will still hate you, though, so make that time count.

Hourly Workouts

Did you know that if you work out for 10 minutes once every hour for three hours, you will have spent a total of 30 minutes exercising? It’s math. It’s easier to do 10 minutes of work than 30, so it tricks you into thinking you’re doing less, not that your friends will appreciate it when you interrupt meals, meetings, and horror movies to insist that everyone do some lunges.

MORE FROM BUNNY EARS
This Low-Cal Almond Butter Is Super Addictive! I'll Blow You For It.

Layers

You can exercise all you want, but if all you’re eating is food that tastes good, you won’t see results, so don’t neglect your diet! The best diet for ensuring the loss of friends is onions. Just straight onions. Chomping down on one of Satan’s apples will not only make your breath reek, it’ll make your sweat smell! Combined with hourly workouts, you will never have to be a bridesmaid again.

Cracking One Out

Farting is your body’s natural response to working hard and also all those onions, so let ‘er rip! The harder your body is working, the more calories you are burning, and farting itself burns calories. Don’t be ashamed! Release them proudly! Fart so deep that you have to hold onto your kitchen table for support. If you’re lactose intolerant, get some dairy in there. No pain, no loss!

MORE FROM BUNNY EARS
This Shepherd's Pie Recipe Is GREAT, But It Won't Change The Fact That Dick Cheney Profited Off The Iraq War

Actual Crack

working out

Will smoking crack make you healthier? No. Oh, boy, will it not. But you will lose weight and friends, and it hardly takes any time at all. You can do it while you watch Netflix. It’s hard to find a crackhead who’s chubby, and it’s even harder to find a crackhead with a bunch of friends. Heck, even your family might cut you off over this. What do you have to lose except everything?

Images: Pexels, Pixabay, Pixabay, Banjo D, Dimitris Kalogeropoylos


Share this on
  • 30
    Shares

Join the Conversation

  1. Avatar

1 Comment

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

logo
Home Lifestyle Pop Culture Wrestling Podcasts Videos About Us