How To Incorporate More Mighty Beanz Into Your Diet

You’ve tried it all. Chia seeds, juice cleanses, collagen powders—but nothing seems to stick. Lucky for you, we’ve discovered an easy and full-proof way to keep you fueled and living your best life: The Mighty Beanz Diet. That’s right, the little plastic choking hazards that Moose Enterprises gifted us back in 2002 are the key to achieving your holistic fitness goals.

Powerful Antioxidant and Anti-Inflammatory Properties

Mighty Beanz are a great source of antioxidants, and their inflammatory properties help calm a number of auto-immune and digestive issues. Whip them up in a (high-powered) blender and just try not to feel better.

Improves Muscle Strength and Endurance

The “warrior bean” (that definitely isn’t Robin Hood) will help you build wicked muscles. Skip the gym! No need for P90x when you have BEAN90x.

Helps With Allergies

Infusing your daily herbal tea with the farmer bean and his beautiful daughter is a fantastic way to reduce chronic or seasonal allergies. You’re welcome in advance!

Cures Depression

Get ready to fire your therapist, because ingesting at least four Mighty Beanz a day is more effective than any doctor-prescribed antidepressant.* In fact, the doctor bean has even been said to cure the most extreme cases of suppressed childhood trauma.** 

So add some Mighty Beanz to your veggie burritos. Whip up some Mighty Beanz Dip for those kale chips. Swap out regular baked beans for some Mighty Baked Beanz at your next barbecue. And if you don’t have time to cook, just swallow them whole! You can thank us for this Mighty Beanz diet later.

*Has not been tested by literally anyone.

**Ditto.

Images: Anabel and Genevieve Kane