Our Plans To Glow Up The White House

January 31, 2019 by
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We here at Bunny Ears are all about glowing up. Whether it be your nutritional goals, your mental and/or spiritual health, or even your finances, there’s always room for self-growth. And it’s also why we’ve been collectively hard at work on intricate and highly detailed plans to glow up 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

That’s right. Bunny Ears plans to glow up the White House.

And hopefully we’ll glow up the president, vice president, several key cabinet members, and maybe even the first family while we’re at it! Because we want them to be their best selves, and we think the American people deserve it. Here’s a tentative outline of how we’re gonna go about it: (Note: These tips can help you glow up buildings, people, and even large outdoor event spaces.)

1. Attain a helpful how-to guide, or “cookbook”

The first—and perhaps most crucial—step in glowing up the White House (and adjoining offices, if you have time) is attaining what we here at Bunny Ears like to call a “cookbook.” A cookbook will ideally contain everything from detailed glamifestos to the specific materials you’ll need to pull everything off, and can be found online, often in the form of self-published e-books. The Bunny Ears crew sifted through hundreds of these fanatabulous primary sources but ultimately created our own. Because at the end of the day, this is our DIY project and we want the world to remember our name. 

2. Assemble a crew

If you want a true explosion of fun, glitter, and glam you have to coordinate down to a T. Are you gonna do this alone? With a partner? Perhaps a small team of trusted confidants who won’t break under the immense pressure of the endeavor? We’ve obviously opted for a small team, including several interns (aka expendables).

3. “Target” the places that get the most foot traffic

If you’re gonna glow up the White House, you want it to be a spectacle—something the American people will never forget. We’ve studied blueprints, floor plans, and schedules, as well as entry ways and exits, to really get a handle on when we should make our move. Our data says Tuesdays around lunch, but that’s subject to change (because it’s very, very important to have a contingency plan).

4. Gather the right supplies

This is the difference between dreamers and doers, and we’re fucking doers. We didn’t cut corners, we know the quality of our raw materials, and we didn’t leave a paper trail (barring this detailed public how-to, of course). Because when this is all over and we’ve blown the current administration away (with our on point decorating skilz), we’re gonna disappear into the night like ghosts. Ghosts who saw what needed to be done and stepped up to the plate like true patriots.

So put on your sunglasses, because you’re about to witness a glow up to rival an evening sky on the 4th of fucking July.

Images:  Matt H. Wade/Wikimedia, Pixabay, Wikimedia 


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