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9 Unique Baby Names That Will Satisfy Your Bottomless Need For Attention

unique baby names

Choosing the perfect baby name is no easy task. Not only will the name you choose shape the impression others form of your child for the rest of their life, but the right name can bring you — the parent — endless amounts of much-needed attention. However, the wrong name, like, say, John or Madison, could literally mean no attention at all.

And what could be worse than that?

That’s why we’ve compiled a list of unique baby names that are guaranteed to satisfy even the most disgusting of fame monsters. Read on to find the right one for you!

Duvet Cover

Much like Apple, Chicago, or Blue Ivy, Duvet Cover takes an everyday word and turns it into a unique and elegant moniker. But more importantly, it’ll cause anyone who hears it to stop and ask you questions about why you chose it, as well as if the name has any special significance to (you guessed it) you. And doesn’t it feel good to answer questions about yourself? We think so, too.

Revoc Tevud

Yes, it is just Duvet Cover spelled backwards. Good eye!

Hannibal Lectern

What better way to get people’s attention than to name your child after an infamous fictional serial killer who eats faces, but when you tweak it ever so slightly to further confuse them? It’s a slam dunk in the attention department.

Farmer Gigolo

This one guarantees a healthy dose of hype. Not only will your friends and colleagues talk a ton about how totally inappropriate it is that you named your child after a term for a male sex worker, but they’ll also wonder about the whole “Farmer” part, too. Is it a name, or an actual job title? Are the sex workers only servicing farmers or are the sex workers also farmers? Way to keep ’em guessing!

Andy Serkis

We know what you’re probably thinking: Isn’t Andy Serkis the critically-acclaimed actor who portrayed the likes of Gollum, Caesar, and Supreme Leader Snoke in a wealth of international blockbusters? We honestly don’t know, because we’re not nerds. But do you want attention or not?

Hopies

Not only is it utterly fresh, but you can claim it came to you during a vision quest on Day Two of Coachella.

Truck Driver Detektive

Actor Jason Lee already paved the way for this one when he named his son “Pilot Inspektor,” so Truck Driver Detektive is all about pushing the trend one step further and basking in the inevitable glow of public scrutiny.

Kevin

Just kidding. That would be terrible.

Don’t Name Your Child At All

It’s bold. It’s confusing. And it’s Attention City.

So there you have it! A few unique baby names that will satisfy even the most shallow and attention-hungry of a-holes. You’re welcome!

Toria Sheffield
Toria Sheffield

Author - Carb Eater - Editor

Toria Sheffield's work has appeared in places like Reductress, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, and The Huffington Post Blog. She's won the Gold Prize for Comedy in the Page International Screenwriting Awards, and once made a web series called "Lawyers in Space" that nobody "got." She lives to make you laugh, and also to eat carbs.

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