The Very Hungry Caterpillar Diet Transformed My Body

I’ve tried every diet in the book: Atkins, Jenny Craig … Tape Worm. Nothing worked. However, on the day I decided to give up diets forever, I came face-to-face with my answer at a Barnes & Noble: The Very Hungry Caterpillar. I dedicated a month of my life to eating exactly like the titular (very hungry) creature. Here’s what happened!

Monday

On Mondays, I ate through one apple, but I was still hungry. The key is to eat an exact circle through each food; portion control is everything, ladies.

Tuesday 

On Tuesdays, I ate through two pears, but I was still hungry. Coincidentally, when I was on a pun-based diet, I also ate a pair of pears.

Wednesday

On Wednesdays, I ate through three plums, but I was still hungry. Side note: Before this diet, I had totally forgotten about the existence of plums. We need more plum representation, am I right?  

Thursday

On Thursdays, I ate through four strawberries, but I was still hungry. Who would’ve guessed that four strawberries wouldn’t be enough food to sustain me for the day? 

Friday

On Fridays, I ate through five oranges, but I was still hungry. On the bright side, my Vitamin C intake has never been higher!

Saturday

Saturdays were my “cheat-days.” It’s important to not go overboard on a cheat day or else it cancels out everything you have worked so hard for on Monday through Friday. So I would usually eat one piece of chocolate cake, one ice cream cone, one pickle, one slice of Swiss cheese, one slice of salami, one lollipop, one piece of cherry pie, one sausage, one cupcake, and one slice of watermelon. 

I know this sounds like a lot, but I was only eating one exact circle of each food.

Sunday

This was my fasting day. I spent the entire day wrapped up in a blanket like a little cocoon and slept while I contemplated my need to conform to arbitrary standards of beauty imposed on me by the male-dominated media.

The Results

Honestly, this new body took a little getting used to. But, I’ve never felt lighter!

Images: Pexels/World Publishing Company, Pexels, Pexels