2019 Swimsuit Trends For Every Body As Long As They’re Skinny
Summer is just around the corner, and we can already taste the sunscreen! To get your beach body ready—and by ready, we mean back to your pre-winter 2% body fat—you’ll need to know all the latest swimsuit trends. Of course, here at Bunny Ears, we believe in body equality; that’s why we’ve crafted this list for everyone who could wear a swimsuit, whether they’re a size 00 or a size 2!
Retro Is Right-o!
We love the bombshell patterns and “look at me” cut of retro swimsuits! They let you channel Marilyn Monroe in all the best ways, i.e. including the addictions but excluding the actual flesh. I mean, come on, we’re modern ladies! We can’t be going around looking like we eat processed cheese and Jell-O molds for breakfast. Let’s be real: In the 21st century, our ideal body type is a militant cyborg with lush, flowing hair. Ladies of every size (that is, skinny enough to be seen in public), turn on your retro vibes without turning us off with outdated features like hips or boobs!
Barely There Babe
They say that the best way to beat body insecurity is confidence, but the best way to beat body insecurity is to become so frail and free of flesh that you simply must purchase three tiny pieces of floss, knot them creatively, and call it a swimsuit. Is it because you’re bold and beautiful? Absolutely. But is it also because you haven’t eaten food in a month and your body literally cannot support the weight of a traditional swimsuit? Hell yes, you beachalicious babe!
Magic Trick Mono-kini
This physics-defying suit is designed to hang off you like flakes of skin off a cold sore. “Oooh,” this swimsuit is saying. “Am I on, or am I about to slip flimsily away like a robe off a doorknob?” The sex appeal will drive men wild in a way a regular bikini covering only your nipples never could. But of course, there’s a catch: This swimsuit is only meant for the super trim. Like, can you imagine if you actually had the boobs to fill out this suit so that it fit correctly and didn’t threaten to expose your bits constantly? We’re all for fashion being accessible to women of all sizes, but if it doesn’t drape away from you like you’ve been trapped in a mine for two months, it ain’t your suit.
The Every Body Pleaser
Of course, if you’ve let yourself go through laziness, pregnancy, or living, there’s still hope! We have a great swimsuit trend for those of you who take pride in … something other than your body? That’s right, it’s a large towel! You can wear whatever you want and feel confident that you’re not grossing us out while still enjoying the beach or the pool by covering it completely with a large beach towel. We’re all ladies together, right? We have flaws! Please cover yours with a towel.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
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