Luis is a columnist for Cracked.com and an astral projection of an unfathomable being from across the universe.
When Bunny Ears used a stock image of my face in an article about micropenises, I thought my life was over. It was only just beginning.
Everyone told me a male game developer shouldn’t try to make a feminist video game about the gender pay gap. But I did it anyway.
And he’s gonna be a mighty king!
Look, we get it. There’s no need to preach to us about how good dog meat can be, and finding a healthy, delicious, vegan alternative can be difficult. Enter jackfruit, a freaky-looking, spiky fruit native to the tropical lowlands of Southeast Asia. Its meaty texture and neutral flavor will leave you amazed that you’re not […]
I thought my life was over when I changed my identity and was forced into hiding. But boy was I wrong
Ever feel like you’re letting your poops go to waste? Have you ever considered dropping them on the doorstep of people who may or may not need them?
Cut out the middleman and prep for the bully’s palette instead! It’s good to know there’s at least one person likes your cooking.
There are so many substances you can use to masturbate. All that I ask is that you don’t use my luxurious moisturizer. It’s not too much to ask, is it?
It began as a lazy reason to create some more fine Internet Content. It ended with a morbid obession that brought us to the brink of perpetual moistness.
There’s a valid reason. Kinda.
Why are you doing this to yourself? To all of us?
I already know the answer due to my years of experience as a dream interpreter, but have you tried watching something other than porn as you fall asleep?
You probably don’t have anything meaningful to do right now anyway.
I can’t wait until one of my doctors makes an innocent mistake while adjusting the settings on the cryo-tank and it turns me into Mr. Freeze.
As a general rule, you should never exfoliate so much that you accidentally end up brushing your teeth with your finger tips and Clinique facial scrub.
Oof, this sand is maybe *TOO* warm!
The guy can really use the help, and I’m here to give it to him one 90 mile-an-hour moonstone fastball at a time.
Does she ever pretend to choke you?
Have you guys ever tried antibiotics?!
A good doula is duty-bound to help you do things your way!
HACK THE PLANET! HACK THE PLANNNNEEEEET!
Getting crushed to death never felt so safe.
I don’t care what you think of me. I’m not going to do it.
