I’m Trying Really Hard To Not Turn Your Vitamin D Deficiency Into A Dick Joke
Believe me, I understand that your vitamin D deficiency leaves you feeling fatigued all day long, make you feel depressed for no real reason, and cause aches and pains throughout your body. That’s why I try really hard to not blurt out a dick joke whenever you complain about your vitamin D deficiency.
You Miss 100% Of The Dick Jokes You Don’t Say
I know whenever you want to vent to me about the struggles of your vitamin D deficiency, you get distracted by the redness of my face and the throbbing vein in my forehead. That’s just me struggling against the intense urge to wiggle my eyebrows up and down suggestively while saying something like “So you need The D, huh? Get it?” I understand that you will get it and that you’ve likely heard it before. It’s just really difficult for me to stand idly by after you’ve teed up a perfectly good dick joke like that.
The problem is in the “D.” It’s like how you know a person is super-famous because they go by one name, like Cher or Madonna. But dicks are even more famous than that because it’s just one letter. Sadly, but also hilariously, that one letter has become more closely associated with “dick” than its actual meaning, which I’m guessing is “dioxy-whatever” or some chemical-sounding junk. When you look at it that way, my urge to make a dick joke at the expense of your vitamin D deficiency is really more the fault of our degrading societal grasp of science than my immaturity. If more people, myself included, knew what the D actually stood for, maybe we’d be less inclined to replace it with filth.
Dick is succinct and tangible. It’s easier to understand than “a group of fat-soluble secosteroids.” It also doesn’t help that people need vitamin D to remain in good health and spirits. It’s too easy to imagine a dick accomplishing the same goal. Still, I acknowledge the stupidity of joking about how a penis is a cure-all medical wonder. It isn’t. It’s just a dick, and so am I for visibly needing to fight back against my natural, barely contained instinct to turn your health issues into inappropriate jokes. A dick joke is the last thing you want to hear when you’ve got achy bones.
Great. Now I want to do a boner joke.