Wine Kegs That Will Get Your Book Club Lit AF

July 2, 2018 by , featured in Food and Recipes
Share this on
  • 14

As we all know every modern day book club is incomplete without a wine keg. Whether you’re a merlot hoe or a chardonnay bae everybody loves a plastic bladder full of hot wine shipped via FedEx from an exotic local like Sheboygan New Jersey or Detroit Michigan. Here are some of BunnyEars favorite wine keg/book pairings to get your book club both classy AF and lit AF.

Red Berry Blend and As I Lay Dying

Sit your tits down and get ready for this bomb ass Bordeaux style blend. For when you need to get hella krunk and discuss that book you’re #1 girl Opra says fucking rules, As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner.

The notes of fresh cotton will remind you of the cotton field where Lafe got Dewey Dell pregnant. Her heartbreaking quest for an abortion in her male dominated world is softened by this on fleek wine pairing served straight from the cardboard box. If you want to turn it into a drinking game try taking a sip every time Faulkner draws parallels between Anse and the circling vultures.

Sauvignon Blanc and Heart Of Darkness

When your #squad is ready to tackle Conrad’s tale of imperialism, madness, and what actually lies in the hearts of men you’re going to want a Sauv Blanc in your corner. The horror! The horror! Of missing out on the exotic grapefruit and citrus flavors of this wine keg mixed with Conrad’s exotic setting would simply be too much to bear.

Rose and Brave New World

You’ll be looking at the world through Rose colored glasses as you tackle Aldous Huxley’s dystopian science fiction classic. Great for powering through those uncomfortable orgy scenes your mother-in-law will not stop talking about. In fact why stop at one keg of Rose when you could double fist it. With your book in your lap you can keep a tap in each hand as you discuss weather Bernard is just being extra or if all of humanity is ultimately doomed.

You Can Buy Culkin Cheddar As Long As You Don’t Ask Where It Comes From

Merlot and Metamorphsis

What book club is complete without some Kafka? There’s no better author for making you think wow, everything is terrible. The world is a ball of cruelty steeped in misery and set on fire. Why do I read books? Why do I read anything? Why is there only one keg of Merlot here? Where can I get another keg of this dope Merlot. A single wine keg might be the equivalent of 26 bottles of wine but I’m going to need at least infinity bottles of wine to make me forget that I ever fucked with this sad salty German.

Wuthering Heights and Chardonnay

Finally a story about a cute orange cat who does funny cat stuff and ends up eternally haunting an English moor with the damned soul of his dead lover. Wait a second, there aren’t any Catillac Cats in this at all are there? I thought it was called a gothic novel because goth chicks are way into cats. Oh dear.

Whether your OTP is Healthcliff and Catherine or Catherine and Edgar you’ll find yourself drifting on the foggy moors of a delightful buzz with a keg of Chardonnay. The bright green apple aroma might help you stop crying. Or at least might distract you from the uncomfortable fetal position you’ve ended up in. As you rock back and fourth slowly to the rhythm of your own sobs try dragging the wine keg behind the sofa with you. After all in the wise words of Emily Bronte, “yolo, and in the afterlife you might be damned to haunt an English moor forever. So drink up ladies!”


Share this on
  • 14

Join the Conversation

  1. Avatar

1 Comment

  1. Wuthering Heights is so insufferable that you would need the huge ass jug of Chardonnay that’s always on sale and just stick a straw in it

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

The Boxed Wine And Whatever Is In The Fridge Crash Diet

Drag Race Diet: What A Steady Diet of Drag Can Do

Recipe: All-Natural Homemade Four Loko

Xmas Sides That Say: Don’t Ask Janet About Her Marriage To That Ghost

Travel Guide – Places You Can Rollerblade To In My Drug Dealer’s Neighborhood

Cool Stuff to Buy

Stalk Us

Home Lifestyle Pop Culture Wrestling Podcasts Videos About Us