Color Of The Month: Green Ketchup

April 9, 2022 by , featured in Color Of the Month
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In a world full of various greens, there is one shade that matters most: Heinz EZ Squirt Green Ketchup (#5c9542). Even though your mom wasn’t a fan of the green masterpieces you left on your plate, we were always in support of your slimy green ambitions. That’s why, this month, we’re celebrating the green condiment that sparked oh-so-many future creatives.

Heinz EZ Squirt Green Ketchup is the one and only staple of green fine cuisine and high art. It takes a person with a refined palette and a refined palate to properly appreciate the ooey-gooey green goop that Heinz so kindly gifted us.

You may be thinking: “Hey, anonymous Bunny Ears staff writer, didn’t they recall Heinz EZ Squirt Green Ketchup because it was so putrid?” Well, loyal reader, you couldn’t be more wrong about EZ Squirt Green. It wasn’t recalled for being disgusting. It was recalled because the mundane social mainstream was not ready for its power. As any true artist knows, sometimes the world lets genius pass it by, only to realize its mistake decades—if not centuries—too late.

Perhaps, someday, the time will come when we are ready to wield the EZ Squirt yet again. That day may not be today. But maybe, just maybe, it will be sooner than we think. Recalls don’t last forever.

What’s that? What about Heinz EZ Squirt Purple Ketchup? We think we can all agree that shit was dumb as hell (and also pretty yucky).

Image: Ebay

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