Fabulous Fall Crafts To Take Your Mind Off Wesley’s Thunderdick
Autumn is fast approaching, and a crisp chill will soon be in the air—a chill that could be warmed by Wesley’s sweet embrace and bulging cock. But that’s not important right now. He’s made it clear that he’s moved on. What matters is making your home ready for fall in order to impress your family, your guests, and maybe, possibly Wes—never mind. Here are some fabulous fall craft ideas that will celebrate the season and definitely keep your mind off of Wesley’s throbbing phallus.
1. A Fall Floral Wreath
A floral wreath is a simple adornment that will make anyone feel welcome, not just Wesley. Take a stroll around your local park and pick pine cones, berries, and fall flowers, like the ones you saw when Wesley plowed you mercilessly during your camping trip. Use a glue gun (an actual glue gun, not the pet name you gave Wesley’s penis) to bind your findings onto a burlap ribbon, and you’re good to go!
2. A Pumpkin Vase
A pumpkin vase makes for a fabulous centerpiece for your kitchen table, coffee table, or whatever table you last bent over to accept Wesley’s porky cudgel. Take a white pumpkin, scoop out the seeds, and fill it with water. Place whatever you’d like inside it. Just know that you’ll get the best results from plants or flowers with rigid, firm stems so that they’ll stay upright and erect, never wilting or yielding to the increasing wetness within the pumpkin. A perfect craft distraction.
3. Thanksgiving Napkin Rings
Go to the craft store and purchase rings that are wide enough to contain an 18” x 18” cloth napkin, roughly the circumference of Wesley’s industrial-strength power schlong. Just remember that this is definitely not about Wesley, because he blocked you on social media and he won’t even accept your calls anymore. Attach leaves, acorns, some shit, we don’t know—this is honestly just a reminder of the cock ring he left behind that we don’t have the heart to throw away.
4. A Gourd Dildo
Go to the grocery store, buy the longest squash you can find, and write “WESLEY” on it in black marker. Do what you want with it, but don’t give Wesley the satisfaction of crying afterwards.