Sun-Staring Made Me Blind But Now I Don’t Have To Look At Poor People

When I first read about sun-staring (or “sun-gazing,” as it’s often called), it made so much sense. The sun’s rays contain all kinds of mystical energy, and by taking it in through your eyes, you’re sending that energy straight into your brain. This improves concentration, memory, sleep, and just generally brings your body and mind into harmony and balance. It also made me blind.
I knew that advocates of sun-staring recommend only staring into the sun during the first hour after sunrise and the last hour before sunset, because those are the times when the sun’s rays are weakest and most gentle. But man, who has the time? I have a busy schedule. I can’t be bothered to look up when the sun is going to rise and set every day, and I’m definitely not forgoing happy hour just because it coincides with sunset. And getting up at the literal crack of dawn? Forget it.
Hear Me Out
If the sun’s rays are stronger between the hour after sunrise and the hour before sunset, doesn’t that mean the benefits will be stronger, too? And it’s hard to argue with the results. After staring directly into the strong, hot sun, often for several hours at a time, I felt like I was literally bursting with energy. I’ve never felt so connected to nature and the spiritual world, and just about every facet of my mental and physical performance improved, according to my own subjective analysis. Except my vision, of course. That’s degraded to 0% function.
However, I’ve always been one to look on the bright side. And while I’m sure it sucks to be blind if you’re not as wealthy as I am, I’ve found that it actually has its benefits There are so many ugly things in the world that we have to look at every day: Homeless people, environmental collapse, brown leather. The list goes on and on. Now, I don’t have to look at any of it! The streets could be covered in filth—and in Los Angeles, they often are—and I would have no idea.
And That’s Just The Beginning
The practical benefits are also endless. Some people might think it’s gauche to have such an overwhelming staff of drivers, assistants, and other helpers—but I actually need them now! Again, I understand that many blind people don’t have access to such resources and must learn to function without them. But I don’t have to, and who’s going to make me? Nobody ever questioned me before I went blind, and they’re certainly not going to now. Also, I have the cutest seeing-eye dog. I mean, I don’t know firsthand, but everyone tells me she’s a vision.
In Conclusion
I may not have to overcome the same challenges as many blind people, but I’m proud to report that my condition hasn’t stopped me from practicing sun-staring. I shouldn’t have to give up the benefits of gazing into a giant, burning star just because it made me blind, and if you imply otherwise, that’s ableist. (That’s a word I just learned. Fun, right?) Plus, I figure the sun’s rays are probably strong enough to still somehow get into my dead eyes. And that’s the important thing.
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