Spice Up Your Open Relationship By Competing To Screw The Most Neighbors!

May 23, 2022 by , featured in Spiritual Wellness
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Modern love is a strange, exhausting experience. Once you’re past the awkward messages, the awkward courtship, the awkward sex, the awkward family greetings, and all that bullshit, you still must fight for love. Sometimes, that means compromising your behavioral quirks and turn-offs so you can venture together into exciting new fuck stuff. Other times, it means getting kinky and strange with role-playing or homemade porn, or both in the case of our delightful cockney romp, Dickdown Abbey.

Still, even the craziest two-person hog-rides have their limitations, which is why more and more people are choosing to open their relationships. But that doesn’t mean that those in polyamorous relationships are exempt from the issues that plague monogamous couples, and the pressures of everyday life can still leave us searching for new ways to spice things up in the bedroom.

One of the best ways I’ve found is competition. My primary partner and I have been involved in all manner of competitive sex play, such as having sex with the most celebrities (or, if need be, celebrity look-alikes) and assembling an orgy with the complete Uncanny X-Men at Comic-Con. But we needed to up the stakes. That’s when lightning struck the brains of our genitals and we concocted a competition that was as dangerous as it was practical, one that could change the face of polyamory as we know it. We call it “Love Thy Neighbor,” and the rules are simple: You and your lover(s) have one month to fuck as many of your neighbors as possible.

Your opportunities for creativity are endless. You could host a community orgy, complete with baked goods and old-fashioned American wife-swapping. You could make your way through your apartment complex like a boner-friendly version of The Raid. Whatever your strategy, the lover with the highest tally of fucked neighbors at the end of the month will have bragging rights for the rest of your relationship, or at least a free dinner at Chili’s.

The exciting element of this game is that it’s far more complex than simply knocking on a neighbor’s door and asking if they’re DTF. One wrong proposition and you could wind up in some creep’s basement, forced out of a lease agreement, or even sending your neighborhood into Twilight Zone-esque madness. It’s like playing a game of social Russian roulette, and your sexual organs are the gun.

Yet that risk does come with a reward. Just imagine how much more you’ll know about your neighbors after you or your lover has fucked them. You could learn more about the cultures of the neighbors you fucked, or you could catch the hot gossip about other neighbors you possibly fucked. You could even learn about new shortcuts for traveling through your neighborhood, in case you’re feeling ambitious and have several fucks to spare.

Beyond that, perhaps what most helped our relationship was what it gave back to us as a couple. Our passion was reignited, and we learned new things, emotionally and sexually, by fucking neighbors who have come from all walks of life rather than if we stuck to barflies in our age-range. Above all, we fucked a whole lot of neighbors in a lot of their holes. If that inspires other poly peeps around the world, that would be reward enough. Also, the fucking. The fucking is also very rewarding.


Image via Unsplash

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