Man-Made Climate Change Is A Hoax By The Toxic Crusaders
Okay, I’m just gonna say it: Man-made climate change is a myth and the real culprit is those damn Toxic Crusaders. Again, climate change wasn’t caused by mankind, but by hideously deformed creatures of superhuman size and strength.
“But the Toxic Crusaders preach about saving the environment!” said one of you 35-year-old men who actually know what this article is talking about. Bullshit. The Toxic Crusaders live and breathe by the planet being awful.
Let’s Review the Facts
Firstly, they live in a toxic waste dump. Literally. They aren’t stuck there. They choose to live and work that way. If anything, they’d want more toxic waste dumps in the world so they’d have more office space to use as a tax write-off.
They’re also total hypocrites in terms of conservation. A simple sneeze from No-Zone would require a tablecloth-sized tissue at the minimum. Major Disaster’s control of plant life means he’s likely introducing invasive species into local ecosystems. The two-headed Headbanger needs twice as many toothbrushes, hair products, contact lenses, and other disposable products. And Toxie? He’s the worst of them all.
There are four Toxic Crusaders, but at one point there was ONLY Toxie. Then, after Toxie’s mutation, all of a sudden more hideously deformed creatures of superhuman size and strength appeared (usually within 22 minutes of one another). They obviously created more toxic pollutants in order to add to their numbers. Why is everyone talking about getting rid of plastic straws while Toxie’s best friends are literally a sentient mop and a pile of goo? Don’t get distracted by Big Troma!
Take a look at each Toxic Crusader. Now imagine each of them pooping. I know it’s graphic but don’t stop. Ask yourself: If cows can release enough methane to literally heat the Earth, how many degrees hotter would it get after a single fart unleashed by any one of these radioactive “good guys”? They’re shitting a path to a future that’s as hot and dry as Junkyard’s sandbox.
So don’t believe the “man-made” hype. Save the Earth. Kill the Toxic Crusaders like it was 1991 all over again.
Images: Pixabay/ FOX