These Problematic Pokémon Have Been Canceled. Sorry.
The world of Pokémon is no stranger to controversy. Previous problematic Pokémon have stirred up trouble, like triggering seizures, worshiping our Lord Satan, and being hella racist. But that was in the ’90s, practically 20 Louis C.K.’s ago. Surely, their bad boy days are over and we can enjoy them as innocent fun now, right? No. You can’t. We regret to inform you that these classic Pokémon have aged as gracefully as the personal views of, say, Scott Baio and Dennis Miller. Face it, Karen: These Pokémon are canceled.
Pidgeotto Joined The Alt-Right
It was the haircut. It fit right in after the election. Now it’s posting memes on Twitter from eastern European nationalists and talking about preserving “Western culture.” What does that even mean to birds? Some questions are best left unanswered.
MissingNo Is An Anti-Vaxxer
Like many ’90s-era relics clawing for relevance in the new millennium, the anti-vaxxer movement seemed like a promising platform to MissingNo. This Pokémon only really exists because of a glitch in the very first game, but they’re still around, doing to herd immunity what it did to your old school Game Boy save files. A creature that honestly should not exist has found a massive following amongst people screaming about “vaccine injuries.”
Weezing? Koffing? Not In This Political “Climate”
We could argue all day about the need for smoke-belching factories in the 21st-century manufacturing industry, but we are facing a massive climate change crisis. Do we need smoke-belching Pokémon? All sources point to no.
Also Golduck Because … Fuck Golduck
Psyducks are cute and weird and sad and funny. They just bumble around, get headaches, and randomly inflict massively traumatic and confusing psychic damage on their opponent. There is no reason to upgrade to Golduck and unleash one of these hideous, slimy, Lovecraftian barely-ducks upon the world, and to be honest, that’s the only reason why they’ve been canceled. They’re just really, really dumb.
Images: The Pokémon Company