Color Of The Month: Mortified Pale
A new year means new opportunities to make a complete ass out of yourself, and that’s why the Bunny Ears Color of the Month is mortified pale. Did you trip on the sidewalk in those brand new shoes, get rejected by the hottie at the office, or shit yourself during hot yoga? Match your aesthetic to the lack of blood flowing to your embarrassed visage!
Work mortified pale into your personal color palette by over-lighting your photos. Maybe you’re not really as embarrassed as you actually look in your final edits, but today’s trends are all about looking damaged, so the more faded, the better. This technique is truly at its best when it completely washes out your real facial details until only two freakish, fearful eyes remain can be seen.
Another chic way to work mortified pale into your life is by consuming creamy white or neutral beverages, preferably those of the heavy milk variety. One swig of this sweet drink, and you’ll forget all about the dumb shit you said in the interview for that job you desperately needed.
Don’t be afraid to incorporate mortified pale into your home aesthetic, too. Basic people would call this “minimalist,” but that’s an oversimplification. What you’re really going for is a home that’s embarrassed by its own existence. Keep a mortified pale wall free of any clutter from pictures or framed ephemera so that it truly looks as ashamed as you are of living there. You and this wall will twin so hard that it’ll be the perfect camouflage for whenever you make an ass of yourself in your own home and feel the need to disappear rather than ask people to leave your house.
And of course, don’t forget wardrobe! Another beautiful way to incorporate mortified pale into your aesthetic is in the form of a loose frock. The comfort of a baggy dress will match your emotional desire to flee whatever scenario you’re in. It’s a cut that says “I can’t stay long. I’m clearly going through something.” When your face turns this lifeless shade after mentioning the wrong lover’s name during foreplay, it will match your outfit for a complete look of “warm corpse.”
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…