Decor So Minimal, You’ll Wonder If You Even Exist

June 14, 2022 by , featured in Health
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Minimalism is here to stay. What’s the point of filling your domicile with meaningless junk when there’s no point to anything? If you’re ready to dive into the design style that answers the question “what brings me joy?” with “almost nothing,” here’s a few rules of thumb for making your dwelling look as empty as you feel.

No Clutter

Clutter is the enemy. Clutter makes you weak. Clutter is a tool of the bourgeoisie to keep your most authentic self tethered to a mountain of things and activities that require things. If your guests see that you have clutter, they will know that you live in a home full of people who do things. Your home isn’t for you, it is you, so it, too, should be an empty shell.

Banish the coffee table as well as its co-conspirators, the coffee table book and decorative candle holders. They are the opiates of the tasteful masses. When I had my Noguchi coffee table, I never thought I’d leave the house again, and my every waking thought was about my Noguchi coffee table. If you want to have your cake and eat it, too, you’ll have to do it over the sink. Minimalism requires sacrifice.

No Colors

Colors are clutter for your eyes. Colors have power over our hearts and minds that we cannot surrender. Studies have shown that emotional responses can be provoked by different colors, and emotions are the opposite of strength. Studies have shown that lab rats can’t see color and some of those rats didn’t get cancer. Get those messy pigments out of your living space, and by extension, out of your mind space. Rid your home of the red menace. And the blue menace. And the beige menace. All the menaces, really. You’ll find stark whites, crisp grays, and enveloping blacks much more calming on the ol’ rods ‘n’ cones. When visitors see the blank slate that is your life, they will immediately think that you are interesting and complex and not trying to prove anything.

No Shelves

If you need shelves, that means you have stuff, and having stuff is for sheeple. Think about your mother’s beloved tchotchke shelf. Remember the rows and rows of ceramic, sentimental refuse? So disgustingly materialistic. We may not be living better than our parents’ generation, but better living starts with crushing the bourgeois values that led them to destroy the world for us in the first place.

This begins by hiding the things in your home that make you truly you. Discreet storage under beds and sofas can mask a lifetime of individuality. Who are you? Nothing. A blank slate contains multitudes.

No Stuff

Once you’re ready, you can even get rid of that discreet storage because you won’t have anymore stuff. Get rid of all your stuff. Burn all your money. Set yourself on fire. You’re past stuff.

No You

Once you’ve attained peak decor, which is the material realization that neither the decor nor the self exists, you will transcend your earthly form. You will be a pure energy being of healing white taste. You will be free at last. Free at last.

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