I Refuse To Be Ashamed Of My Fetish, Having Sex With Boring Dudes

November 30, 2018 by , featured in Fetish Of The Month
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I’m constantly being chastised for my fetish and I won’t stand for it anymore. I like really boring dudes. A lot of women feel (rightfully) that men don’t have to try as hard as women do to be considered attractive and it’s not fair. This is so true and I sympathize, but at the same time, goddamn, would I wreck B-list Dad actor Deidrich Bader. By “wreck,” I mean I would have fifteen to twenty minutes of missionary position sex with him AND I AM NOT ASHAMED.

I like a man who goes to the library, not to fuck on a desk, but just to check out a good Dan Brown novel. When a man asks me if I’ve read The Da Vinci Code my panties pretty much fly across the room. I like a man named Kyle in a comfortable fisherman’s sweater. I like a man who likes podcasts about guys discussing bad movies. I’m into guys who are into every kind of music but rap and country, and I’m no longer ashamed of that!

How This Affects My Daily Life

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Look at this dull sexy son of a bitch

People don’t understand how difficult having this fetish can be. A lot of times I end up feeling isolated from my friends who all find Chris Hemsworth attractive. I feel so left out that often times I end up faking it. I’m not proud to admit it but I will pretend like I would enjoy having wild, girl-on-top sex with Chris Hemsworth. In reality, I actually think the most attractive man in the Marvel Universe is Ant-Man’s Russian friend, Kurt.

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Mm.

The hardest part of having a fetish for really boring guys is that I married a man who is super interesting. I’m constantly trying to tone down my husband’s cool personality. The other day, to spice up our sex life, I brought a comfortable sweater into the bedroom.

“Do…do you want me to tie you up with this?” He asked.

“No, baby. I want you to put it on!” I said.

“You want me to put it on and, like, pretend to be a stern math teacher?”

“No baby, I want you to put it on and talk about golf. Maybe tell me about your general opinion on Mondays? Have they been…bad?”

Before I met my husband I dated really boring dudes almost exclusively but endless nights of meaningless and gloriously mediocre sex got old. When I started looking for love I found it with a hopelessly interesting man. Do I regret it? Not at all! But I will no longer let the world shame me for what I like in the bedroom, which is pretty much just ten minutes of wild, unfocused thrusting followed by an hour-and-a-half of him explaining fantasy football to me.

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Living In The Open

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My husband understands my fetish and is very supportive. He’s agreed to get a tribal sun tattoo for me, which is just going above and beyond. It’s more difficult for my friends to understand. A lot of female friendships are built on discussing the attractiveness of various famous men. I appreciate when they try though. Recently my friend Amanda grabbed me at a wine tasting and whispered in my ear, “I know Alan Alda is eighty-two years old, but I’d be willing to breaking both of his hips if you know what I mean.” I knew exactly what she meant! It was so sweet!

I’m much happier since I revealed my fetish to the world, not because I need other people to accept it, but because it allowed me to better accept it myself. I now understand it’s ok if I don’t want to be spanked, or choked, or dipped in an ammonia sex bath. As long as it works for me, my partner, and the life size cut out of Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother we keep in the bedroom, it’s fine.

Images: Pexels, Pexels, Disney/Marvel Studios, Pexels


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13 Comments

  1. As a guy who is the “hahaha your the funniest guy i know” (girls say that), but rarely get laid with me. I’ve got more insight into the phenomenon of boring men now, thanks. I see so many girls that have boring quite, can’t talk almost kind of men. It’s like wtf is it that turns them on?!?!?! They are just standing there looking and doing N O T H I N G. It used to be quite frustrating to see those guys score the girls i wanna score, but to be fair. They are hot. Just like the examples you gave. It’s all about hotness. If those guys were ugly and that boring? Wouldn’t stand a chance against a funny guy. Just my two cents.
    Greets from Sweden, came into this website thru the AVGN Episode, Haha.

    1. what a deep thinker you are. is comedy even still legal in Sweden? Isn’t it considered a hate crime or something?

  2. I was gonna make a bad joke asking if you had sex with Macaulay Culkin, but then I googled your Twitter and realised that you probably did have sex with Macaulay Culkin. Anyway, do you mention that on your Tinder profile as a cool fact about yourself?

  3. So now sex with a normal, functional man who’d probably make a good father and husband is now considered a fetish? What’s normal these days? Dating a lowlife covered in tattoos who just got out of jail? And people wonder why modern day women are so miserable and depressed.

  4. Califtom seems like a champion. What a sense of humor and complete lack of self awareness.

    Dude, there is a middle ground between Ted Mosby and Dexter. Try and find a hobby. Eventually, you’ll meet a woman who’s into dudes with no personality.

    1. sounds like somebody’s triggered and a bit angry as well. Already happily married for 15 years but thanks for the unsolicited advice. So there’s a middle ground between a man who can provide for his family and an irresponsible manchild the kids hanging out at 7/11 all think is cool? For any women out there, using this kind of absurd criteria for finding a mate will most likely leave you as a bitter, middle aged, overweight angry feminist cat lady. Sort of like this clown.

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