bunnyears

…Report reveals Rice-A-Roni actually from Detroit…
…Scientists find that deja vu is just alternate timeline of you dying…
…Email From Mom Has 4 FWDs In Subject Line…
…Don’t Forget To Grab Milk…
…Adult Hearing Mom Use Their Full Name Still Terrified…
…Drugs In Water Supply Treat Fish’s Depression…
…Against All Odds, Man Learns To Dance…
…Breaking: Absolutely no one wang chunging tonight…
…Breaking – There’s A Spider In Your Pocket…
…Opinion: I Have The Best Smile And Coolest Personality …
…Scientists Discover A Lot Of Cool Junk In Older Brother’s Room…
…Children May Be Stupider And Weaker Than Previously Thought…
…According to studies accordions are unsteady…
…Your Dog Might Have A Secret Passport…
…Fourth grade teacher found to be not as hot as you remember…
…Man discovers woman already knows thing he was going to tell her….
…Study: Loss Of Car Leads To 1000% Catcalling Increase…
…Dollars to donuts exchange crashing…
…Opinion: We’re In A Golden Age Of Trash Talking…
…Big dick energy drink selling poorly…
…Gordon Ramsay Signed Beef Wellington Sells For 1.6 Million…
…Update: Only very tiny hats now cool…
…Man pretty sure Game Of Thrones is historically accurate…
…Reported discovery of new planet turns out to be your mom…
…Violent Pokémon dispute sparks trade war…
…Sugar daddy eaten by ants…
…Research shows laughter definitely not the best medicine…
…According to studies studying causes cancer…
…Help, I’m Trapped In A Headline Writing Factory. Details To Follow…
…13th month discovered between February and March….
…Local white guy “gets it”…
…Chill Girlfriend Constantly Suppressing Everything…
…Half The World’s Bees Have Never Seen The Show Seinfeld…
…6 Year Online Romance Ends In Weird Handshake…
…Hurricane wipes out town of Duckberg…
…Millennials Are Disrupting The Banjo Industry…
…Very smart toilet begs for death…
…Hospital Cracks Down On Patients Getting Chemo For Fun…
…Confirmed: Everyone is hanging out without you…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…’Glow Up’ Discovered To Just Be DBZ Reference…
…Survey finds startling amount of ghosts are racist….
…A New Generation Of Turtles Are Learning Martial Arts…
…Shazaam not a real movie…Google it…
…Bunny Ears wins prestigious Bunny Ears website of the year award at the Bunny Ears Awards…
…Am I standing right behind you? The answer might surprise you!…
…Single Woman Manages To Meet Food Delivery Minimum…
…Spoiler alert: The milk has gone bad…
…Single 32 Year Old Patiently Waits For Friends To Get Divorced…
…Woman Memorizes Snapple Fact In Case Tonight’s Party Is That Bad…
…New Boyfriend Eats Imitation Crab Straight From The Package…
…Did Tupac fake his birth?…
…Quiz: Is This The Good Milk?…
…Local Couple Adopts Blind Dogs And Just Puts Them Down…
…Mother Struggles To Explain Scott Baio To Her Child…
…Santa is real, and he lives in your crawl space….
…Woman With Scoliosis Has Detailed Knowledge Of Floor-…
…Unusually Buff Dog Not Breaking Eye Contact…

I Refuse To Be Ashamed Of My Fetish, Having Sex With Boring Dudes

Fetish

I’m constantly being chastised for my fetish and I won’t stand for it anymore. I like really boring dudes. A lot of women feel (rightfully) that men don’t have to try as hard as women do to be considered attractive and it’s not fair. This is so true and I sympathize, but at the same time, goddamn, would I wreck B-list Dad actor Deidrich Bader. By “wreck,” I mean I would have fifteen to twenty minutes of missionary position sex with him AND I AM NOT ASHAMED.

I like a man who goes to the library, not to fuck on a desk, but just to check out a good Dan Brown novel. When a man asks me if I’ve read The Da Vinci Code my panties pretty much fly across the room. I like a man named Kyle in a comfortable fisherman’s sweater. I like a man who likes podcasts about guys discussing bad movies. I’m into guys who are into every kind of music but rap and country, and I’m no longer ashamed of that!

How This Affects My Daily Life

Fetish
Look at this dull sexy son of a bitch

People don’t understand how difficult having this fetish can be. A lot of times I end up feeling isolated from my friends who all find Chris Hemsworth attractive. I feel so left out that often times I end up faking it. I’m not proud to admit it but I will pretend like I would enjoy having wild, girl-on-top sex with Chris Hemsworth. In reality, I actually think the most attractive man in the Marvel Universe is Ant-Man’s Russian friend, Kurt.

DON’T MISS:  5 Books You Totally Know How To Read This Fall
Fetish
Mm.

The hardest part of having a fetish for really boring guys is that I married a man who is super interesting. I’m constantly trying to tone down my husband’s cool personality. The other day, to spice up our sex life, I brought a comfortable sweater into the bedroom.

“Do…do you want me to tie you up with this?” He asked.

“No, baby. I want you to put it on!” I said.

“You want me to put it on and, like, pretend to be a stern math teacher?”

“No baby, I want you to put it on and talk about golf. Maybe tell me about your general opinion on Mondays? Have they been…bad?”

Before I met my husband I dated really boring dudes almost exclusively but endless nights of meaningless and gloriously mediocre sex got old. When I started looking for love I found it with a hopelessly interesting man. Do I regret it? Not at all! But I will no longer let the world shame me for what I like in the bedroom, which is pretty much just ten minutes of wild, unfocused thrusting followed by an hour-and-a-half of him explaining fantasy football to me.

Living In The Open

Fetish

My husband understands my fetish and is very supportive. He’s agreed to get a tribal sun tattoo for me, which is just going above and beyond. It’s more difficult for my friends to understand. A lot of female friendships are built on discussing the attractiveness of various famous men. I appreciate when they try though. Recently my friend Amanda grabbed me at a wine tasting and whispered in my ear, “I know Alan Alda is eighty-two years old, but I’d be willing to breaking both of his hips if you know what I mean.” I knew exactly what she meant! It was so sweet!

DON’T MISS:  Episode 21 - Nerdy's Booky Book Corner (Annotated)

I’m much happier since I revealed my fetish to the world, not because I need other people to accept it, but because it allowed me to better accept it myself. I now understand it’s ok if I don’t want to be spanked, or choked, or dipped in an ammonia sex bath. As long as it works for me, my partner, and the life size cut out of Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother we keep in the bedroom, it’s fine.

Images: Pexels, Pexels, Disney/Marvel Studios, Pexels

You Might Also Like

5 Books You Totally Know How To Read This Fall

Nothing beats curling up with a good book, flipping through its pages, holding it right side up, and, of course, telling people you’re reading it so they think you’re smart.

Read More

Episode 21 – Nerdy’s Booky Book Corner (Annotated)

Heads up, there are some Amazon links in this article that are Amazon Affiliate links. If you click it and buy stuff, we get some money. If you want to learn more, check out our privacy policy. Hi, I’m Craig The Intern, and they make me transcribe these every week. Everything’s going great so far! Do…

Read More

7 New Books You HAVE to Read

Heads up, there are some amazon links in this article that are Amazon Affiliate links. If you click it and buy stuff, we get some money. If you want to learn more, check out our privacy policy. It’s springtime again and that can only mean one thing: it’s reading season. [Air horn sound effect][Air horn sound…

Read More
1 Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Stalk Us

Video of the Week

We’re Back, Baby! Take THAT, Sawa!