You Quit Smoking? That’s Nice. I’ve Quit 18 Times!
So you want to quit smoking, but it seems damn near impossible. You can hardly go an hour without a cigarette—how are you supposed to go days, weeks, or even years? Well, I’m here to tell you that it absolutely is possible and addiction does not have to control your life. I know this because I’ve not only successfully quit smoking, but I’ve successfully quit smoking well over a dozen times. So I’m basically an expert.
Have a Plan
Know your habits. Do you usually smoke with certain friends or in specific social situations? Be aware of this, and give yourself an “I will not smoke” pep talk beforehand. Seriously—don’t be an arrogant idiot and have a fucking plan! Sorry. Sometimes I get cranky when I remember it’s been six months since my last cig. But does that mean I’ll pick one up again? NO! Except maybe ONLY as a reward for when I’ve done something good.
Utilize Nicotine Patches and Gum
While you ideally don’t want to remain reliant on nicotine in the long run, nicotine supplements can be a critical tool during the transition proc—
Oh shit. Give me a second. My bedroom window’s open and someone just walked by with with their morning espresso and smoke. Jesus Christ, what an aroma. Where were we? Oh, right, patches and stuff. Use them.
Address The Oral Fixation
A lot of smokers are just as addicted to the act of smoking as they are to the actual cigarettes themselves, so when you feel the urge to inhale, fill up that hole with a slice of pizza or an ice cream sandwich instead. The only downside is that you’ll likely gain weight. Which, to be honest, might drive you to start smoking again.
If none of the above help you to stop smoking those sweet, tasty cigs, consider behavioral therapy with a trained professional. You’d be amazed how much progress you can make when you have the right support. Or so I’ve heard. I’ve personally never tried it, because again, I’m incredibly good at quitting and have an unusually strong natural resolve.
So remember: Addiction doesn’t control you and you CAN overcome this. You might never be as experienced as me, but that’s okay. Quitting just the one time is nothing to be shamed of.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…