Identity Retreats: The Best Self-Care After You’ve Witnessed A Crime
I thought my life was over when I changed my identity and was forced into hiding. But boy was I wrong
How I Used The Hinge App To Find The Smartest, Most Successful Exes
Based on my experience, these are hard rules (no exceptions) on how to catch the absolute perfect, most brilliant, driven person ever.
Build Strong Relationships With Your Coworkers By Predicting Their Deaths
Hey Janice just wanted to let you know that sweater is super cute and also cancer but you’ve got like thirty years.
I Keep Accidentally Going To Spin Classes That Turn Out To Be Cleverly Named Laundromats
I ended up leaving after they finished playing “You Spin Me Right Round (Like A Record)” by Dead Or Alive for the sixth time. Is this all they play at this place, like, constantly on loop?
I Am NOT Trying To Cook You In This Ramen Noodle Bath
No, I’m not going to cook you in this soothing ramen noodle bath, dangit. And frankly, I’m offended you would even ask that.
5 Recipes To Impress No One Because You Don’t Need To, You’re Perfect
Minimum effort with maximum reminders that you’re great and everyone else can suck it.
The Bunny Ears ‘Fuck A Killer’ Subscription Box
Because this is apparently what you guys want? Really?
Upcycle Your Dead Dad’s Porn Magazines
We know you loved Dad, but we also know you love the environment more. Use this opportunity to teach everyone about the true beauty of upcycling.
I’m Worried My Kids Aren’t Weird Enough For Homeschooling
Will they be able to keep up with all those little creeps, goobers, freak-balls and toenail chewers? I’m just not convinced.
How To Surreptitiously Moisturize Your Husband
Is your husband’s skin dry, cracked, or scaly? Here’s some sneaky, virtually fool-proof ways to get that man to moisturize.
Charitable Pooping Is A Thing And Allow Me To Explain
Ever feel like you’re letting your poops go to waste? Have you ever considered dropping them on the doorstep of people who may or may not need them?
Cookie Recipes That Hide The Bitter Taste Of All Those Crushed Pills
Are you tired of the bitter tasted of crushed up pills? Boy do we have something for you!
The Best Edible Recipes For Your Easy Bake Oven
Here are some wacky and nostalgic recipes for edibles baked in the fiery kiln of an Easy-Bake Oven. Users be warned: It isn’t always easy being easy baked.
Our Festival Season Guide To The Most Luxe Antibiotics
Our hot new antibiotics primer let’s you get the most out of this year’s music festival without looking like a basic penicillin loser.
Ways To Accommodate The Tree Nut Allergy You Chose to Have
If you get halfway through a cookie and find out it has pistachios, you can go ahead and finish it if the cookie is really good.
Dreamy Spring Beach Escapes That Are Already Booked By Better People
Bad news: you won’t be taking a glorious spring beach escape this year. Good news: We found out who booked your spot, and they’re so much cooler than you!
A Day In The Life: 18 Hours With Rami Malek (Before He Escaped)
We followed Rami Malek around to see what he gets up to, and then kidnapped him!
3 School Lunches Your Child’s Bully Will Love
Cut out the middleman and prep for the bully’s palette instead! It’s good to know there’s at least one person likes your cooking.
Here’s What Happened When I Stopped Saying ‘Sorry,’ Mostly to My Assistant
Pretty soon I stopped saying, “I’m sorry, why is this extra hot latte I asked for undrinkably hot? Are you trying to kill me via Starbucks?” and started saying, “Thank you for burning my tongue and ruining my day, you incompetent shit.”
Fuck Your Tree The Way It Deserves To Be Fucked This Arbor Day
Show your tree how much you love it…physically.
Adorable Teddy Bears To Pimp Out Your Man Cave
These cute and cuddly teddy bears are a great way to accentuate your manly space.
Brunch, Avenging My Father, And Five Other Things I’m Obsessed With
Wow, it was so sweet of Bunny Ears to let me do this little round-up of all the things I’ve been obsessed with lately! Honestly, I’m totally and completely obsessed with so many things that it was hard to narrow it down to just these seven. From dry-brushing to white nail polish to solving my […]
Use Your Wedding Gift Registry To Ensure Your Guests Know You Fuck Hard
Your wedding gift registry isn’t about tradition, it’s about letting guests know you can outscrew anyone, in explicit detail!
The Most Obnoxious Ways To Come Out As Sapiosexual
Some self-described Sapiosexuals are pansexual and pretentious, but others are just pretentious. You’re smart, you fuck smart, and everyone should know it.
69 Is Out. Meet 82, The New Number That Fucks
The long wet reign of terror by 69 is out. It’s time for a new sex number, baby. Meet 82, the number that ones to get down and dirty with YOU!
Travel Guide: Under The Sea
The ocean is terrible and full of scary fish and fish-monsters. Why do you want to go there? What’s wrong with you?
Things To Do With The Scarabs That Keep Crawling Out Of Your Mouth
Stop spitting them into the garbage and do something useful with those beetles that emerge from your mouth for inscrutable reasons.
Archie Tries Goop Recipes on Her Mom: Roasted Chicken
“Has this white woman ever had chicken before?” My dad asks, staring at the chicken. “This tastes like the ghost of flavored meat,” My mom says.
Live The Life You Deserve Through Financial Fraud
Fake it until you make it! And by “it” I mean “identity theft”
You Can Now Use Face/Off Technology To Explore Your Mommy Issues
I tried out this new Face/Off procedure so I could see what I could learn about my childhood in order to be able to exploit it for an internet article. Here is what I learned.
We Hired An Expert To Smell Our Farts
We believe in being introspective and learning about ourselves. That’s why we hired serious professionals to smell our farts.