Sugar-Free Christmas Cookies Less Disappointing Than Your Incel Son
Nothing sucks the air out of a holiday gathering like sugar-free baked goods and the son with a face only a mother would want to disown.
The Beginner’s Guide To The Perfect Plantation Wedding
Morally compromise everyone you love for the day of your dreams.
Maybe It’s The Meth Talking, But These Detox Tips Make Me Feel Like A God
Fuck! Are you feeling this?
I’m Totally Okay Being Trapped Under This Weighted Blanket
Getting crushed to death never felt so safe.
Is It Gay If My Husband Swallows A Gingerbread Man?
If my husband so much as touches a Christmas cookie again I’m leaving!
Woo Your Future Mate With The Seductive Art Of Whale Screaming
And don’t forget to buy my companion book!
Holiday Dating Hack: Just Fuck Your Cousins?
Same time, same place, same genetics. Eh, with modern dating, who has time to care about all three?
Gift Ideas For Santa, Who Is Real, Despite What Liars Say
All level-headed, thoughtful adults know that Santa is totally real and totally in need of some sweet Christmas presents.
Design A Beautiful Backyard For Your Dog To Pinch Out Its Turds In
The backyard is a place just for you and your family. It’s a private outdoor sanctuary in which to reflect and commune with nature.
Let Go Of Toxic Relationships: Ignore The Homeless Kittens In Your Shed
When was the last time a litter of helpless newborn kittens did anything nice for YOU?
Finding Myself: Why I Joined A Gang Of Sewer-Dwelling Martial Artists
It started when I saw three mysterious figures dancing around a barrel fire in the sewer.
If Your Shoes Aren’t Transformers, What The Fuck Is Even The Point?
I have goddamn robot shoes. What now?
Amazing Products 100% Not Involved In The Murder I’ve Been Accused Of
Everything must go! As soon as possible!
How To Be A ‘Cool Aunt’ Just To Get Revenge On Your Sibling
Revenge on your sibling should fuel most of your life decisions.
Forgiveness: My Husband Won’t Let me Throw A Birthday Party For My Dog
I am strong, and I can forgive. Just like Ghandi.
Serial Killers And More: Weird Stuff To Memorize For Boat Christenings
“Did you know that Austin, Texas had a serial killer that pre-dates Jack The Ripper?”
Panic Healing: A New Healing Method We Invented Via Typo
It’s a lot like pranic healing, but with more panic.
Tips for Throwing a Great Christmas Party Despite the Ongoing Mass Extinction
Yeah, we are doomed, but at least there is cake!
Diagnosing Your STDs Through Musical Theater: The Music Man Edition
Here’s your official, foolproof STD diagnoses via unforgettable song stylings that, believe it or not, beat West Side Story out for a Tony. Because racism.
Make Eye Contact With The Groupon People In Your Pilates Class
At Bunny Ears we’re all about finding new ways to give back while still putting yourself first
I Won’t Breastfeed My Child, And If That Makes Me A Bad Dad, So Be It
I don’t care what you think of me. I’m not going to do it.
#MondayMotivation From Macaulay Culkin (December 2018 Edition)
Mack’s here every Monday with life advice!
Our Take On Israel/Palestine Because For Some Reason You Keep Asking
We are always happy to address questions raised by our fans, even when the issue is controversial.
Festive Seasonal Mugs That Zero People Want From You This Christmas
Honestly, who goes ‘Oh a mug? Fantastic, that’s what I’ve always wanted and had no idea how to get’
Winterize Your Home With The Spellbook You Stole From That Robed Skeleton
Let’s see the guys down at Home Depot do this!
The Best Illegal Souvenirs From Around The World (That Aren’t Shirts)
Because fuck shirts. Except ours, you should buy ours with that link to your right.
The Best Places in Calgary to Make Fun of Canadians
And so I’ve fulfilled all legal requirements to write off this trip on my taxes!
Breast Milk Jewelry Is A Thing, But Why Stop At That Bodily Fluid?
There are so many more fluids to exploit!
Holiday Messages To Let Your Black Friend Know You Don’t See Color
“Boy, do I miss Obama! Merry X-Mas!”
We Tried To Find Inspirational Love Stories But Found Love Is A Lie
Really thought Europe would teach us how to love again.
The Way You Spell Hanukkah Could Determine If You’re A Sociopath
So, what’s it gonna be? You a man with a big C? Double N? What are we gonna do here
I Won’t Circumcise My Son Until He Is 18 And I Can Guilt Him Into It
It is his right to choose what I know is best for him.
What VD You Definitely Have Right Now Based On Your Star Sign
This month’s Bunny Ears horoscope will tell you which venereal disease you have at this very moment while you’re reading this.