Ice Hotels to Visit Now Before They Melt And Probably Catch Fire
I love winter. Snow on the ground, the smell of pine. But I know that not all Bunny Ears readers live in cold climates. So I’ve assembled a winter wonderland list of ice hotels that you MUST visit now. And when I say “now” that’s not a figure of speech. What are you doing in the next thirty minutes? If the answer isn’t “hopping on a plane to the arctic,” then TOUGH LUCK. By the time you get your shit together, that igloo will be a swimming pool, or possibly just a burning pit in the ground.
If you’ve already got reservations and are arriving today, these ice hotels will let you live out all your Frozen fantasies. If not, well, the condition of a luxury hotel will probably be the least of your worries as our planet rapidly dies.
IGLOO VILLAGE, ANDORRA
Sure, Andorra sounds like a fake European country a screenwriter made up for a Hallmark movie about a mousey girl who discovers she’s actually a princess. But as it turns out, it’s a real place. Weird!
The Igloo Village in Andorra is built on top of a hill. That’s good news, because if you visit at any point later than, say, today, you’ll be able to escape the terrible snow melt flooding. Congratulations! Your icy winter vacation is now an island escape. The Igloo Village is known for it’s natural beauty, as well as an abundance of outdoor activities. If you visit today, those may include skiing and snowshoeing. If you visit at literally any later point, be prepared to enjoy swimming and running away from forest fires.
KAKSLAUTTANEN IGLOOS, FINLAND
The Kakslauttanen Arctic Resort is famous for its many consonants. You can also stay in an igloo made of a special frost-resistant glass that provides beautiful views of the night sky, including the Northern lights. That flickering, incandescent cosmic show is something you simply MUST see before you die, which, at the rate the planet is going, will be soon. If you wind up visiting the Kakslauttanen igloos next year, you’ll be able to tour an impressive gallery full of puddles that the staff will assure you used to be magnificent ice sculptures.
KIRKENES SNOWHOTEL, NORWAY
If you want to see the elaborate ice decorations on this snow hotel, then you should probably visit in the next five minutes. After exploring the lodge, you can wander around petting the resident reindeer and huskies.
HOT (COLD?) TIP: the staff really hates it when you shout “I HOPE YOU CAN SWIM” at the sled dogs. Hahahahaha! Mush isn’t just a sled dog command, it’s also a description of what the show will look like in about three minutes. Fans of water skiing may want to visit at some point in the future, like in two minutes.
WHAT TO PACK
Be prepared to pay one billion dollars for that second checked bag, because things are about to get crazy.
- CASHMERE SWEATERS: Cashmere is a very durable and will help keep you cozy in the cold. It’s also very expensive, which is great, because you won’t be able to use money in the barter economy of the apocalyptic hellscape coming down the pike. So why not buy this $715 beanie that looks like a regular beanie? We’ll all be dead soon.
- A DURABLE BIKINI: If you can’t slip away for a vacation next winter, you’ll definitely need a swimsuit of some kind to enjoy the melted remains of an ice hotel.
- A FIRE EXTINGUISHER: Just in case.