Bunny Ears Essentials: Kidneys

July 25, 2018 by
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Kidneys, you gotta have em. Some people think just one is acceptable but here at Bunny Ears we highly recommend at least two. MC himself has four on him at all times. We wanted to take a moment today to slow down and dish about the hippest vital organ in everyone’s body.

Kidneys Filter Your Blood

This may sound hard to believe but kidneys filter your blood better than crystals, Reiki, and almost any cleanse other than ranch dressing. You can go down a kidney if you’re on the ranch dressing cleanse but once the cleanse is over you’re going to need that kidney back. You can always use a kidney share service and give someone less fortunate a little piece of that kidney rich life while you’re cleansing. It’s good for your pocketbook and good for your soul.

Much like essential oils, unfiltered river water, and ranch dressing, kidneys remove the bad things from your body. They take the waste materials from food, medications, and toxic substances like that bottle of sun tan lotion I once ate, and make them into pee pee. Similar to how Reiki makes bad energy into emotional pee pee.

Kidneys Are Beautifully Nostalgic

For a long time kidneys were out. I know when I was kid and my biology teacher was talking about kidney’s I thought, “pfft, tonsils are way cooler.” I had so many tonsils back then. When the tonsil craze of the 90’s was over appendixes quickly became the cool organ to have, but MC has been quietly on the kidney train for YEARS.

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He’s collected kidneys from some of the most exotic locals in the world. In fact he’s got so many in his closet visitors are like, super uncomfortable with it. Here at Bunny Ears we totally support his kidney collecting habit of course!

Kidneys Probably Aren’t Where You Think They Are In Your Body

Did you think kidneys were located near your bladder? That’s what I thought for about twenty-nine years but apparently they’re actually just below your rib cage. We wanted to let you know that in case you decided to, I don’t know, mail in any spare kidneys you might have to your favorite celebrity lifestyle website! Of course we would never ask you to do that. You should keep your kidneys for yourself but we’ve definitely got kidney fever here at Bunny Ears!

Kidneys Are So Essential

Some symptoms of kidney failure are persistent itching, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, sleep problems, decreased mental sharpness, and muscle twitches and cramps. Yuck, that sounds worse than the side effects of eating processed sugar! That’s why you need so many kidneys. Honestly, as many kidneys as you can have on hand at any given time.

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Where Can You Get A Kidney?

[Editor’s note: We’ve had to make some small adjustments to this next section due to intervention from our legal department.]

I know what you’re thinking, if kidneys are the hip cool thing where can I get another kidney? Blood Boy, Crying Boy, they’ve got a boy for everything these days, but the kidney boy is the most illusive of all. You’ve got to have a fantastic kidney connection. MC’s is a guy named [REDACTED DUE TO LEGAL ISSUES] that he met at [ALSO REDACTED]. If you can’t afford a high-end kidney dealer to the stars there are plenty of websites such as [REDACTED. BUYING BLACK MARKET KIDNEYS IS BAD] that can help you out for a pretty decent price.

It’s especially difficult to find good kidneys in America but they’re practically giving them away overseas. I mean there are several countries where if you just walk up to someone on the street and offer them ten grand for their kidney they’ll pop that sucker out and hand it to you right then and there. It’s so easy! Whether you’ve just got one or whole basement full one thing is certain, kidneys are this summers must have!

Images: Pixabay


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