Lifestyle

Forget moisturizer, anti aging cream, acne products, facial cleanser, medical hazard eye wash, propranolol, peanut butter so your dog will take her pills, lip balm, wound balm, elbow balm, elephant balm—forget all the balms! Forget cyst rub, antifungal cream, antibacterial cream, engine lube and Abreva. In fact, forget going to doctors, dentists, and car mechanics […]

A wise man I called “Dad,” though that may or may not have been his name, once sat me on his knee and said “Son, you ain’t shit.” What followed were two hours of the most important, and unprompted, verbal abuse I’ve ever received. Too many people nowadays think that they can “do anything as long […]

There’s a lot of pressure to go green these days, and with good reason. It’s important to be seen doing your part to save the environment. I guess you could also quietly implement a recycling program and cut back on air travel, but if you want to really take advantage of all the ways saving […]

Trust me, we at Bunny Ears hear you when you talk about weight-loss frustration. For legal reasons, we can’t disclose how we hear you or whether or not we have access to your webcam, but that is beside the point. What if we told you that you could forget dieting… forever? It’s true! We’ve put […]

I know you all mean well. I’m touched, really, by your concern for my well-being and selfless dedication to providing helpful advice. To many of you, it may seem to be very good advice, maybe even of dire importance. My skin is yellow and taut but also swollen around my joints. I haven’t secreted a […]

There are many moments during your life as a parent in which you get to feel immeasurable pride for the children your first marriage bore you. Once you and your partner’s schedules lined up and you could reserve time in between getting your enamel sealed with cucumber spring water and applying a Starbucks cold brew […]

Navigating the minefield of corporate America is tough for everyone, even celebrity lifestyle guest bloggers. I realized recently that I’ve gotten neither a promotion nor a raise, not even the customary 1.5% cost of living bump, in three years. Luckily, I figured out what I needed to do. I needed to start dressing like a boss. My […]

Hey, you, with the penis. Be honest. Does your penis not work so good anymore? It happens. Stress, medical problems, overuse, and aging take their toll and weaken your love tackle, but there are measures you can take to revive the ol’ pants meat. I’m not talking about pumps or pills—that’s Big Pharma hooey. You […]

Hey grown ups! You’re mature, responsible, and prepared for life. You eat food that’s food! Right? That’s why flavored lip glosses aren’t a cruel test of temptation for you, you competent person you. Who are we kidding? You’re gonna eat this shit. You’re gonna slop it on your face and eat it. You’re gonna lick […]

Be afraid.

According to several other male doctors whom I trust implicitly, women’s periods can tell us all a great deal about parts of our lives we might not have expected to be so closely tied to menstruation. For example, your friend Doug has made several terrible life choices, so I sat down over a cup of […]

So y’all won’t believe what I found in a free bin in front of Green Noise Records here in Portland. Long before Bunny Ears was a website, it was a grungy hand-printed zine. The vibe was similar, but the times were different. It was less about detoxing heavy metals and more about embracing heavy metal. […]

While known for its volcanic mountaintops, the true treasure of Chile lies not in the peaks – but rather a secret far below. It’s no wonder that some say the country acquired its name from the Quechua word for “the deepest point of the Earth”. Earlier this summer myself and four close friends took a […]

  It’s rumored that Sigmund Freud once said, “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.” We get you, Sigmund. Trying to find deeper meaning in random things is a fool’s errand – unless you’re talking about healthy and delicious vegetables that will make you feel like you’re looking at Deepak Chopra. I know I’m not […]

I was so excited to try out this trend. I was skeptical at first. How could this possibly work? But several of my Insta friends have had amazing success. So, there had to be something to it, right? Still, the thought of mashing up glass and rubbing it all over my skin … What possible […]

We all know how important it is to detox daily. You need to flush out all the harmful, negative toxins you collected from the craft gin and kale flights from the night before, but simply sweating them out in your home sauna isn’t going to separate the Dijon. You need to be totally invested in […]

Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide to [Blank], our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. Life is full of exciting opportunities, and while it’s fine to tackle a new adventure on your own, we here at Bunny Ears know that it’s better to […]

I guess some people would claim it’s my own fault that the PTA moms don’t want me to hang out anymore. You wear one inside-out bikini to your daughter’s kindergarten graduation, and all of the sudden, it’s “I’m sorry, I already made plans for the weekend” and “Oh, we’re not inviting the whole class to Tegan’s […]

I’ve been wanting to incorporate healthier, more productive habits into my life for ages, but somehow, I just couldn’t take the leap. Take meditation. Who has time for it? How do you know when to stop? How do you keep heavily distorted ’80s sitcom themes with the lyrics replaced by a demon chorus singing blasphemous […]

Check back for more lifehacks every day!   Sunday September 9, 2018 Saturday September 8, 2018 Friday September 7, 2018 Thursday September 6, 2018 Wednesday September 5, 2018 Tuesday September 4, 2018 Monday September 3, 2018  

Hi, everyone! I’m sorry for posting this so publicly, but I know you’re all very busy people who are rarely even in the same country at the same time and that Katie and Lydia actually cancel each other out if they’re in the same room. Also, none of you will give me your real email addresses. […]

There are no more stars. You look up into the night and all you see is an inky void. It is calming somehow. Refreshing. Clear.   You can remember a time when there were stars, little dots of light in your life that gave meaning to the things you did. A time when you knew […]

“Fortifying.” “Disgusting.” “Illegally procured hyena meat.” These are just some of the words and phrases Silicon Valley elites are using to describe Splopr, the hot new meal slurry they believe is necessary now. Packed full of consonants and something called “unfiltered nature liquids,” Splopr is the essence of what Silicon Valley considers healthy. Yes, it also […]

As summer comes to a close, we find ourselves desperately grasping at its last wispy strands, before fall settles in and we have to wear real clothes again. That’s why this month’s color of the month is Begrudging Summer Camp Tie-Dye. Tie-dye was invented by baby boomers when they were adults and could appreciate the […]

Part of my 18 for 2018 was to become more environmentally conscious. I convinced my boss to stop buying plastic cutlery for the office, asked my landlord to provide composting facilities for residents of my building, and even started a separate container for those bags of kale I buy every time I go to the […]

I remember hearing from one of my sluttier friends that piercing your clit makes your orgasms better and basically feels like you’re always a little lady hard. Heck yes, I thought! Once I have the time to let one of this baby properly heal, like when I’m unemployed and can just lay around with my […]

Joining a gym can be a great way to stay in shape, keep your mind focused, and tone your body. However, when you read the super-fine print (barely visible to the naked eye) you’ll often discover that you’ve entered into a five-year, uncompromising contract with the fitness center in question, and no feasible way to […]

I don’t know about you, but I really appreciate a diet that has a rich cultural and historical legacy. The kind of diets pioneered by The Bible, cavemen, or bisexual 19th century poets. I’m crazy about them all. So imagine my excitement when I acquired a diet book from an extinct culture. The curator of the […]

It’s summertime! And I don’t care how hot it is, sometimes I just want to dance…with joy after eating a big scoop of grapefruit marmalade. It’s a little bit sweet and incredibly bitter, just like my meemaw who taught me the recipe. This summer jam can be enjoyed in all your favorite summer spots. POOLSIDE […]

Let’s face facts: Preschool is the most important time in a child’s life. High school is the most important time in a teenagers’s life, and college is the most important time in a young adult’s life. Parenthood is the most important time in an adult’s life and you’ve already succeeded in squirting one out. But what […]

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Welcome to the fourth and final (for now) Bunny Ears advice column, where Bunny Ears staff submit questions, and other Bunny Ears staff provide answers. Neither party knew who was asking or answering their questions. Until now … ] Q – Elijah Taylor I am trying to get in better shape, but I don’t have […]

It’s only been a week and already the local initiative to provide a fleet of free, easily accessible electric scooters to the public has me feeling like my car is an unnecessary extravagance. Why do I need all of that machinery to get to my buddy’s place up the street, or to run over random […]

My life is so hectic that I need all my nutrients crammed into me as efficiently as possible. That’s why I never leave the house before having my protein shake suppository inserted. I got so excited when my dog sitter’s doula told me about the wonders of Sujuk that I just needed to buy the […]

What a brave, new world we’re living in. Yes, politics are looking grimmer than ever. But tolerance is up overall. Shamers are being shamed. Freak flags are being flown higher than ever before. Even the new pope is pretty freaking rad. Most popes throughout history have been … let’s just say not quite so rad. […]

I had no intention of ever buying a scarf that retailed for $500 until Oprah Winfrey cyberbullied me to do so for weeks. It was one of the most harrowing experiences of my life. Here’s how Oprah cyberbullied me. I had never spoken to Oprah and I never thought I would. You can only imagine […]

A few weeks ago I was challenged by Bunny Ears’ editor-in-chief Shawn DePasquale to not mention my star sign to anyone for an entire day (it’s Leo). “You want me to not mention my star sign TO ANYONE for 24 whole hours and write about it?” I asked. He sighed deeply and replied “I guess if […]

My son is an incredible cellist. He’s been getting full-ride scholarships from the likes of Julliard, the New England Conservatory, and the Yale School of Music since he was in 6th grade. He’s given private solo performances for 3 presidents, 2 crown princes, and a Duke. He was being showered with roses after playing Bach’s […]

Hello my lovely readers! Considering you are here on our lifestyle blog, I assume you also have a healthy skepticism regarding the machinations of Big Pharma and how it affects the sort of healthcare we have access to. Case in point: I’ve found myself not feeling quite as energetic as my homeopathic advisor and dietician […]

This story starts out familiar enough, with a declined credit card purchase attempt. This sort of thing happens more often than I would prefer, but this time, I was completely sure I had the money I needed in the account. The money was just deposited the day before. After some digging, it became clear that […]

Last spring, Bunny Ears introduced the world to the tremendous healing energy of vaginal jade eggs. Our bunny holes are powerful incubators of life—so powerful that the jade eggs we stuck up there hatched into vaginal jade birds. Now, we are thrilled to stop screaming in agony long enough to describe the pain we are […]

Back-to-school season is right around the corner, and we might as well warn you now: Your roommate is definitely gonna try to fuck in front of you. Here are some screens. Legacy Decor 4-Panel Plum Blossom Screen Room Divider, Black   4 Panel Wood Mesh Woven Design Folding Wooden Screen Room Divider Rose Home Fashion […]

Recently, I hit rock bottom. I think it all started as a child when my parents divorced, and it amplified in my adult years when my mother died. I know these are things most people “work through” at some point in their lives, but I don’t believe in therapy and no amount of crystals were […]

Bee venom therapy is both bourgeois and passé. You injected yourself, Gerard Butler? Weak sauce. Let the bees do the injecting for you and then maybe we can talk. It’s not like they don’t have perfectly good needles coming out of their butts, you know. Geez. However, for the past few weeks I’ve been absolutely in […]