Lifestyle

How to Tell Your Kids There’s A Baby in Your Tummy—Because You Ate One

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Tips For Concealing Your Hideous Conjoined Twin

Because everybody has one. Right?

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How To Best Oppress Your Workers In The Era of Climate Change

Wondering how to oppress your workers responsibily in the era of climate change? We are too!

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Is It Ethical To Put Sunscreen On Total Strangers?

“We’re all in this together, so stop squirming.”

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How Getting My Head Stuck In This Jumbo Jar Of Pickles Taught Me To Relax

It’s been a game-changer.

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You Can Buy Culkin Cheddar As Long As You Don’t Ask Where It Comes From

Just try not to think too hard about it!

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Look And Feel Radiant By Constantly Coming

That’s right. Constantly splooging!

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Need A Vacation From Your Vacation? Try Your Job!

Anything’s better than spending another minute with your family.

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Is The Bunny Ears Pop-Up Coming To Your City? Because We’ve Lost It

If you see it, please let us know.

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Everything That’s Gonna Bite You On This Summer Hiking Trip

Heading out into the wilderness for some hiking is a great way to reconnect with your true self and get your ass bit by majestic nature.

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So You Called Mr. Feeny’s Name During Sex. Now What?

Your worst nightmare has come true. You called Mr. Feeny’s name during sex. You’ve always appreciated a distinguished gentlemen, and, in the throes of passion, you’ve let out a “Fee-hee-hee-hee-hee-ny!” louder and more impassioned than Eric Mathews himself could ever muster. Don’t worry—you’re not the first person this has happened to, and there are some […]

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I No Longer Believe In Cage-Free Zoos Now That My Family Is Dead

The hyena ambush really sealed the deal.

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You Need This Sweat-Proof Makeup ASAP Because They’re Coming For You

You know what you did.

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I Farted Really Loudly Just Now, Um, Because It’s a New Health Thing?

You have to fart otherwise you’ll get sick. Just go with me on this.

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Questions You’re Too Afraid To Ask Your Doctor About How Robots Have Sex

The most important questions you should definitely ask your doctor about robot sex, no matter how awkward you or they feel.

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You Legally Can’t Stop Us From Saying These Recipes Are Brownies

We checked.

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Styles Everyone Will Be Wearing When The Dystopian Regime Commands It  

This is what Best Leader wants for us.

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Healthy Twists On Picnic Favorites Literally No One Wants You To Make

Have you tried apple slices and cinnamon?!

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Home DNA Tests That Reveal Who’s Been Pooping In Your Mailbox

You deserve answers.

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I’m No Longer Married To The Sea, And I’m Ready To Mingle

I’m on the hunt for the ultimate white whale: love.

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Finding the Perfect Vape Flavor To Pair With Your Glaring Personality Flaws

Looking to start vaping? Our team of experts will guide you into finding a flavor that nicely complements your inability to grow up.

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Let Your Nemesis Know You’re Thriving With These Tasteful Billboards

Give the haters something truly majestic to admire.

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A Comprehensive Review Of All The Best Monocles—Finally!

What ho, assorted plutocrats, barons of industry, and proper gentlemen!

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The Best Homemade Condom Options

From fruit rinds to vacuum packing!

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Lizzo Taught Me To Love Myself, Especially My Vagina Dentata

Thank you, Lizzo.

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The Most Instagrammable Ways To Die This Summer

Sure, death is forever. But so is the perfect instagram pic!

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Our Guide To The Most Terrifyingly Authentic Renaissance Faires of 2019

Like the Harvard Yard Festival, where stake-burning is encouraged!

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Uh Oh, Duolingo Wants Us To Learn “The Speech Of The Owl God”

It’s also calling each new challenge “mandated knowledge”?

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Addicted To Your Phone? Try Shooting It Up For An Even Better High

Just mainline that ‘ish.

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How To Tell When Your House Plants Are Sick Of Listening To You Talk

Do you know the signs?

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Bond With Your Kids By Playing “Fuck, Marry, Kill” With Them

Get in touch with their inner lives!

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Get The Look: A Junior High Principal

Yasss!

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I’m Trying Really Hard To Not Turn Your Vitamin D Deficiency Into A Dick Joke

This isn’t easy.

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Our Marshmallow Diet Lets You Camp In The Woods For Weeks Without Pooping!

Marshmallows are basically nature’s intestinal glue.

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I Went Phoneless For A Week (Because A Mugger Stole My Phone)

Don’t you just hate it when we start going crazy when you’re without your phone for a week after a mass assailant robs you of it at gunpoint? Me too.

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Macaulay Culkin And Red Letter Media Point At Milwaukee: Watch The Video

It’s iconic.

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How To Avoid Toxic People Who Are Right About You

Because you don’t need it.

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Are You A Dog Or A Cat Person? Because My Army Of Hybrid Freaks Is Hiring

We provide college credit.

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What Your Favorite La Croix Flavor Says About Your Sex Life

Are you a Passionfruit? Perhaps a Key Lime?

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What You’d Shoplift From Lowe’s Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Will it be garden soil? Or perhaps a mailbox?

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Color Of The Month: ’90s Plaid

Pair it with Jordan Catalano hair and deep ennui.

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Deep Breathing Exercises For When Your Home Is Getting Robbed Right Now

Don’t let the stress of a home invasion get to you.

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What’s In Mack’s Medicine Cabinet? Oh, It’s A Bunch Of Dead Parrots

What? Oh no.

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The Best Places To Steal Mimosas

I can afford them. But I am charming and special and I refuse.

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A Surefire Cure For Lifelong Asthma: Kidnap Our Lawyer, And Drink His Plasma!

His blood is magic.

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