Teach that stupid furball to stop being such a basic bitch
And not even one of the good subs
It’s sure to probably work. Maybe?
He was known as The Captain back then.
He’s just as untamable as any beast.
This third one definitely won’t help with your crippling social anxiety!
Whenever you’re about to do something, stop to think “Would a happy person do this?” If the answer is no, recalibrate your plans.
His name and intent remain unknown.
Don’t even bother trying to cover up that horrible potato head
This is your chance to be part of something amazing!
I know, it sounds ludicrous, but I assure you this is no joke.
If you’re comfortable with me telling your children to eat shit but not telling them to get fucked, I need to know that beforehand.
We really meant to get into this whole workout thing, but then we just got carried away with the fucking. You get it, right?
Because nothing feels as good as fitting into designer skinny jeans. Not even love.
Not to be confused for 3AM recipes.
How do you decide where to go to find inner peace and hopefully an affair with someone whose voice doesn’t make you wish you would just die already.
Fucking again with this shit?
Prawns. What are they? Do they have feelings? Most importantly, are they different from shrimp?
Which one is worse though?
Free yourself of sinus infections once and for all (and confound investigators).
I am not a scarecrow. I WAS AT YOUR WEDDING, DOUG!
I swear to fucking God they better after all of this bullshit I went through this year.
Why is Thanksgiving so damn complicated?
It was a fairly unremarkable day as a writer for Bunny Ears. I woke up around 3PM, hungover, logged into the work Slack and realized we had kidnapped one of the therapists for Goop. My position requires me to remotely contact the main office, as is typical in the current freelance gig economy. I was […]
It isn’t worth it, just stay home.
Hey James, fuck you you disgusting shit. Everyone else, please learn to accept your body as it is!
She was a piece of work.
The night gave way to passion. But now it’s morning, and you have to get the fuck out of here without everyone at this wedding knowing.
The Church Of False-Vestigially has implemented a state-of-the-art health program with only a 40% failure* rate. It’s called the “LSD Hole Diet,” and it’s totally shaking up the diet world.
Mobile board yoga, the newest Hollywood fitness craze, is the real deal.
This Thanksgiving turkey is just the opportunity you need to have at least one thing go right. And you really need it because, let’s be honest, you can really use a win right now.
Modern guys just aren’t cutting it for me.
If you’ve tried all the face masks, you’ll love this hot new trend where you win a Kid’s Choice Award so Nickelodeon will give you a slime face mask.
I’ve got stuffing in the oven, and I don’t mean the one in my kitchen!
Better safe than sorry! Time to replace all my poop with someone else’s poop!
Stop what you’re doing, grab your travel journal, and take note, ’cause I’m going to run down the five Rite Aids you MUST visit before you eat the big one.
Everyone needs a good post-divorce craft project, even if it means building a whole new family who will never desert me out of fruit.
I think you’re afraid to know true enlightenment. I get it, navigating the higher planes of existence can be scary at first.
Nowadays, thankfully, there are many different kinds of hats that prevent thought-theft… too many, in fact.
Seeking a spirit animal can be hard, so we recommend this LG Electronics 84-Inch Cinema 3D 4K Ultra HD 120hz Smart TV with six pairs of 3D glasses purchased through our amazon affiliate link!
At first, Andrea was hesitant to take our suggestion that she try aerial yoga for this article, which we respectfully acknowledged. Then she started screaming.
With a little of that sweet, sweet Uncle Sam start-up money and some human ingenuity, you, too, can rent a luxury water vehicle.
Nothing beats curling up with a good book, flipping through its pages, holding it right side up, and, of course, telling people you’re reading it so they think you’re smart.
Few have been able to identify what the sun actually is. Until now.
