Lifestyle

Hey, so, this is kind of a weird question, but do I still have to have my dick out for Harambe? I’ve had it out all this time, but is that a thing we’re all still doing? Or did we accomplish … uh, whatever it was we were trying to accomplish? It was awareness for […]

My husband and I decided to throw a gender reveal party to reveal to our unwoke friends and family that gender is just a social construct. At first they were pretty confused when the gender reveal trebuchet flung only hunks of raw chicken instead of the pink or blue confetti they were promised. When I […]

  Dear Goop.com: We have your therapist. He is in the Bunny Ears warehouse, breathing and meditating normally. He is healthy and spiritually aligned. We’re guessing you want him to stay that way. If you want your therapist returned safely please give us your Top 10 Summer Skin Care Product Recommendations. We’re not messing around […]

Spoiler: He has. And it was epic.

Unhealthy food understands it’s our prey, so it releases toxic sugars and fats into our bodies as a self-defense mechanism when we eat. But it doesn’t have to be this way. For so long, diets have unfairly disparaged unhealthy food without taking a second to consider whether our cakes and fries would harm us if […]

First dates are hard to navigate. When you step out of your uber into the unknown of a first date, your greatest hope is the chemistry will be electric and things heat up, like the curling iron you can’t remember if you turned off or not. Once you two lock eyes, you immediately feel a pull like your […]

Most Americans are boring, ordinary muggles with a tragic inability to do anything cool like talk to dead people, move things with their mind, or recognize how funny I am on Twitter. However, a tiny fraction of us have “the gift.” You might have the gift already and not even know it. All you need now […]

Dear Babypod, I would like to file a complaint about your product. When I first heard about your speaker, which I could easily insert into my vagina and use to play music for my baby, I was very excited. This device was perfect for introducing my baby to my favorite band, Smash Mouth. At least […]

Regardless of their sex, your cat can have anywhere from 4 to 10 nipples, because God hates cat owners and wants to punish us. They’re horrifying, and they love showing them off like common whores. I’ve been to every vet in Los Angeles County and they all refused to remove my cat’s unsightly nipples, so […]

When you’re on the run from the Securities and Exchange Commission after orchestrating a massive fraudulent initial coin offering of your cryptocurrency, Skankcoin, you’re not going to hide out in some shack in Montana where there are more deer than mojitos. You earned the nearly $1 billion those dumb crypto-bros gave you of their own […]

Eating locally is an important way to make sure everyone knows you care about the environment and also don’t need to eat cheap Mexican fruit. Of course, the best way to do that is to cultivate your very own vegetable garden. It doesn’t get much more local than right outside your artfully decorated terrace. The […]

For some people, health scares, tragedies, or life-changing experiences are the last straw before we take the initiative to better our personal health. However, the rest of us all know that the key to living healthier than ever is paved with the fear of assassination from your evil future self. Whether they’re trying to take […]

Did you know that an estimated 42.6 million Americans are on food stamps? That’s crazy, right? We often ignore the struggles of this significant segment of American society, so I decided to live on the budget of an average food stamp-recipient for one whole week. My assumption was that, by living like a poor person […]

For better or worse, a college degree is no longer enough to ensure your child’s success. When 300 other job applicants all have the same Computer Engineering degrees, only your child’s exclusive early education experience (aka, private preschool) will give him or her the upper hand over the rest of those nerds. Unfortunately, the snobs […]

Deal with it.

The spiritual flow of your house is one of the most important factors in achieving a zen-like state of personal equilibrium wherein you will permanently be better than all of your friends and they will know this truth but never speak it aloud for fear of being struck down by a beam of pure rapturous […]

I haven’t exactly been feeling my best lately – low energy, dull skin tone, regular menstruation, etc. All the signs that a good old-fashioned cleanse was in order. To celebrate, I went over to my tattoo artist’s house and got myself some new ink made from only the finest all-natural organic vegetable oils and flower […]

To end stressful and frustrating swimsuit shopping this year, we have narrowed down your options to the most stylish swimsuit on the market, the bungee cord bikini. From curvier frames to athletic body types, we’re helping to make sense of your endless swimwear options and will help pick the best ones to flatter your frame. It doesn’t matter if […]

Guys. Stop everything. There’s blood on the floor. I’m pretty sure this is blood. The Bunny Ears LA office has blood in it right now. Everybody stop meditating and ear candling! Look at this! Somebody claim your blood! Stop typing what I’m saying, Shawn, stop typing and explain this blood. Maybe this is prop blood. WHOSE […]

I used to be so disappointed when I saw myself in the mirror first thing in the morning. Did time, stress, sleeplessness, parenthood, and all of those speedballs I did in my twenties conspire to ruin the beauty that got me invited to all those secret ritualistic orgies? Yes. Yes, they had. But that all changed […]

You think about your dog. Of course you do. Their cute little button nose. Their thin yet powerful haunches. But do you actually think about your dog? No one else is there for you like your pupper is. Nobody else lights up when you enter the room after being gone for just five damn minutes. […]

As the resident environmentalist at Bunny Ears, it should be no surprise to anyone that I’m absolutely disgusted by everyone and everything. From the wasteful scourge that loves to punish Mother Earth with their repugnant, neverending consumption to the phonies who think that recycling plastics and buying hybrids make them eco-friendly, I’ve been on my […]

They say breaking up is hard to do, but it’s immensely harder if your significant other won’t allow it. You say “We’re over,” they say “Sushi for dinner?” You say, “Sure, I’m starved,” and round and round you go. But don’t lose hope. You don’t have to stay stuck in this relationship until death do […]

Where do you wanna do this?

Heyyyyy Gurrrllll !!! <3 <3 😀 😀 I know we haven’t talked in a hot minute (since like high school, right? CRAZY!). Anyway, how are you? I’m just #bossbabe-ing it up! Do you have a second? I want to tell you about my #personal #journey. Well you know after high school I got my marketing […]

What site is this? The blue header … It looks like Facebook. Wait … Doesn’t Twitter sometimes have a blue header? My God, what if I’ve taken a left turn and stumbled into Tumblr territory? My name is Ken Hanley, and I suffer from short-term memory loss as a result of a vicious assault by […]

Much has been made of Bunny Ears hero Gwyneth Paltrow’s decision to “consciously uncouple” from ex-husband Chris Martin, a process that entails mindfully and sensitively detaching from your spouse. That might be fine for Gwynny (we get to call her Gwynny, you should absolutely not call her Gwynny), but what if you’re just, like, really […]

The Zodiac guides us through challenges in life. The stars are as wise as they are numerous, and strongly advise which recipes you should use to prepare salmon! Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19) Those who fall under the sign of Aries are teeming with chaotic energy. Mars, god of war, compels you to seek […]

I was like you, once. Obsessed with my online reputation, getting into pointless arguments on Twitter, refreshing my news feeds every five seconds. I was wasting my life away, one click at a time. But then I stepped away from the Internet for a while and taught myself an important lesson about what really matters […]

You know, there was one silver lining to come from the tragedy that was September 11, 2001. Immediately after this ruthless attack, we banded together for the good of the nation, becoming stronger, more resolute, and more unified as a result. And in doing so we proudly showed the world one indisputable fact about Americans: […]

Is this why people aren’t doing this anymore? I know Kim Kardashian and some other people got them, but this doesn’t feel right. The procedure itself was fairly painless, but the rest really makes me think that maybe it’s- [Editors Note: Brian Gilmore was not available to finish this article because he is currently under […]

It may sound far-fetched and perhaps even insane, but psychic dentistry is the one true way to tame your mouth aura.

This weekend, I watched my friend get married.  Waiting in line to greet the bride and groom, I overheard some of the best wedding advice from an attending cousin from Florida: “Got a hole? Fill a hole.”  Most of my helpful advice is delivered with my middle finger, but when faced with a blushing bride […]

We know we’re going to catch some heat over this month’s pick for color of the month (get ready to weather the storm of all those angry pro-Orange comments, everyone). But pound for pound, no other color on the spectrum of visible light brought their A-game quite like that plucky little quartet from Oklahoma City, […]

Summer is officially here, so astrally project yourself into your monthly Horoscope Guide. Whether you intend to have a summer of love or a summer of deep thought and solitude, the stars have their own plan for you, and all it takes is a receptive ear to listen to the Universe’s motherly whisper. Aquarius: As […]

Some dilemmas in life can only be answered by analyzing the words of the great thinkers of humanity. People often turn to religion when pondering the big questions, but as a practical person who finds value in tangible thought structures rather than spiritual reconnaissance, I’m much more likely to turn to philosophy to answer the […]

They’re judging you, Sarah.

One of the best things about being obscenely loaded is that you can ensure your children also enjoy the benefits of immense wealth, thus perpetuating a rock-solid cycle of compounding privilege that will echo down your bloodline for years to come. However, be wary of becoming not just a helicopter parent but the even more […]

In an effort to preserve water and single-handedly save the entire state of California, I’ve been seeking out alternatives to wasteful aquatic baths. My dear friend Sheila told me about something called “sound baths” at our last solstice circle, and I was eager to hear more. I decided to invite Sheila over for some crabgrass […]

We know many of you read this blog to stay up-to-date on all the hot Hollywood trends. In the past we’ve broken such fashion explosions as iridescent capes, the latest in mascot chic, and plastic wallet chains before they hit boutiques. Our goal is to give our readers the opportunity to get in as early […]

Sunburn. Rain. A sudden drop in temperature. Your head does not deserve these things. Stress. Imbalance. Toxicity. Your body and soul do not deserve these things, either. It’s all enough to give someone a headache. And that’s where the Felicitus L-9 comes in. Maintain your internal balance, and indulge only positive environments, and you will […]

Poaching eggs is difficult, and so is marriage. They’re both hard to keep together. Any time you poach an egg, it could end up a runny, drippy mess, just like my husband Sean’s penis. Hi, Sean! Your shower technique is bad and your genitals are disgusting. Anyway, here’s a poached egg hack that will totally […]

Listen, you have to throw at least a few birthday parties for those sticky, squirmy parasites who insist on calling you “Mommy” no matter how many times you tell them your actual name. If you don’t, your mom-friends will start to get resentful of how many cupcakes they’ve forked out in the past, and it’s […]