Lifestyle

Ah, Fall. In Upstate New York there isn’t much to look forward to the rest of the year. Our winters are bleak and freezing, and summers are muggy and gross. But we do one thing better than anywhere else: apples. So many apples. We even have apple festivals. Oh, boy. You have not lived until […]

Avocado toast is a thing of the past. Welcome to beet toast: the only breakfast toast you’ll need for at least two years. Breakfast is the most healing of all the meals; it sets the tone for your day. I recently heard the phrase “you are what you eat” for the very first time and […]

Because we all know this is what it’s actually all about.

Giving Americans the opportunity to eat better for less wasn’t just a long-term professional goal—it was a spiritual mission, and it can be achieved through volunteer work or charitable donations. Or you could do like I did: Take a shortcut by buying out a health food grocery chain owned by my former college roommate, Chip […]

Navigating the current dating landscape, specifically, the “Tinder Game,” can be incredibly confusing. Everyone’s there for a different reason. Some people are looking for real relationships, some people are looking for strange, some people are looking for meaningless hook ups, some people are just seeking attention, and Robert Mueller is super-liking away for who knows […]

I volunteered to write about this month’s chosen color of the month assuming it would be a fun and relatively simple task for me…as long as the chosen color wasn’t yellow. Then Craig the Intern called to say the folks in the office had landed on…you guessed it: yellow (which is so stupid considering we […]

Guidance. We all seek it, but few can look high beyond the clouds to truly comprehend which direction to go. Luckily, horoscopes are a quick and easy way to attain clarity. So eyes to the fluffy, clouded skies and saddle up as we channel one of our oldest dating apps, the Ouija board, to connect […]

The days are getting longer, the sun is shining brighter, and summer adventures are just around the corner. For many of us, that means one thing: a whole new season of fun false idols to worship! Instead of spending your precious time on Earth devoting yourself to things like compassion, charity, or spiritual and/or religious […]

I’ve been to the bottom, man. Last night was the fourth straight evening I spent catching z’s in my vehicle. Granted, it’s happened to the best of us, especially us common folk who refuse handouts and breadcrumbs from the 1%. But it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you’ve […]

Chronic exhaustion is par for the course for the modern parent. Between work, childcare, and all the odds and ends of adulting, it can feel like life is one long “To Do” list. Which is why it’s critical to fuel our bodies. And it’s also why we’re thrilled to introduce you to a 100% natural […]

You might need to sage it out.

It’s easy!

Everyone knows the Western medical industrial complex pumps the American people full of lies along with the occasional life-saving antibiotics. They tell us vaccines are safe, even though we have an entire (officially discredited, whatever) study proving otherwise. They insist that most people have no trouble digesting gluten but refuse to explain why my aura […]

It’s not what you’d think!

Modern science says it takes 30 days to build a new habit, and only 14 days to break one. I have put this into practice and I’m ready to share how I have stopped texting and driving and started driving and masturbating. Texting while driving is a senseless act, but female masturbation should always be celebrated. When life hands you a lemon in the form of an ‘are you […]

They’re so f*cking stupid.

Great Nana Etna just passed away, and as they propelled her ashes over the tennis courts of her beloved country club, you had a couple of distinct thoughts: Who knew the human body produced that much ash? And also, where the hell am I going to spread mine?! Well we here at Bunny Ears are […]

It’s time to plan the most important day of your daughter’s life, other than her marriage to a rich Doctor Without Borders. Menarche is a woman’s first period, when she blossoms from a young bud into a magnificent, pimply flower. Too often, a woman’s period is stigmatized and shunned, so no matter how much your […]

Anxious about yoga? Me too. Luckily, I figured out a way to combine my best habit with my worst one! Here are some toenail biting stretches you need in your life: The Tentative Dreamer: The Nasty Gazelle: The Aspirational Mouth: Love’s Tender Kiss:

Whenever I saw those stories on the news about kids and the internet, I always thought, “Not my daughter.” But then it happens to you—you get Freaky Friday’d with your teen, and it hits you like a ton of bricks: You don’t know the first thing about your kid. (Also, you look in the mirror […]

Moustaches? Vegans? Those weird penny-farthing bicycles? Are these some of the images that pop into your mind when you think of a “hipster”? In the past you may have been correct, but I have spent some time in the field recently, and am here to report that America’s “coolest” are now throwing away their bowler […]

Sorry.

Television inevitably influences the fashion sense of its viewers (raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by “the Rachel”), though you may not think a series like Bones, focusing as it does on the maggot-covered remains of terribly unfashionable people, has much to offer in that regard. Well, I’m here to tell you that […]

These refined, often floral perfumes are timeless classics. They will make you feel sophisticated and chic and also remind you that grandma is dead forever. Scent is the strongest sense tied to memory, so spray some of the below fragrances on that hot young bod and remind yourself that grandma’s never coming back! 1.) Chanel […]

Are you a Hogwarts fan? Are you sick of being antagonized by people telling you to “read another book”? Is your life and family in danger of financial ruin because of your addiction to writing Harry Potter fanfic? If you answered “yes” to any or all of these questions (and obviously you did), the Bunny […]

Get it!

As a resident of the great state of New Jersey, I’m often asked, “Is New Jersey as bad as everyone says it is?” And good news: There’s plenty of cool stuff to enjoy in New Jersey if you know where to look. However, don’t look too hard, or you just might find a dead body! […]

Listen, we know how important it is to drive around in a car worth more than the Gross National Product of most developing nations, covered in enough coats of wax to weaponize the sun’s rays while burning through twelve gallons of premium gasoline on a single trip to Bristol Farms. Fame and status are our […]

I’m coming for you, Snowy Owl.

As a woman, yoga influencer, and a Leo (rising), I have collected a very specific and finite bundle of opinions I feel the world needs to hear. I live on Instagram, which I am sure you’ve gathered from my highly curated daily yoga posts that make you wonder “Who actually takes all these photos?” and […]

So, you just adopted 2,300 refugee children who have been recently separated from their families either after their parents crossed the United States’s southern border illegally or attempted to legally apply for asylum and were detained regardless. It doesn’t matter—the point is that now you’ve really got your hands full! 1. FIRST OF ALL, CONGRATULATE […]

Hey, so, this is kind of a weird question, but do I still have to have my dick out for Harambe? I’ve had it out all this time, but is that a thing we’re all still doing? Or did we accomplish … uh, whatever it was we were trying to accomplish? It was awareness for […]

My husband and I decided to throw a gender reveal party to reveal to our unwoke friends and family that gender is just a social construct. At first they were pretty confused when the gender reveal trebuchet flung only hunks of raw chicken instead of the pink or blue confetti they were promised. When I […]

  Dear Goop.com: We have your therapist. He is in the Bunny Ears warehouse, breathing and meditating normally. He is healthy and spiritually aligned. We’re guessing you want him to stay that way. If you want your therapist returned safely please give us your Top 10 Summer Skin Care Product Recommendations. We’re not messing around […]

Spoiler: He has. And it was epic.

Unhealthy food understands it’s our prey, so it releases toxic sugars and fats into our bodies as a self-defense mechanism when we eat. But it doesn’t have to be this way. For so long, diets have unfairly disparaged unhealthy food without taking a second to consider whether our cakes and fries would harm us if […]

First dates are hard to navigate. When you step out of your uber into the unknown of a first date, your greatest hope is the chemistry will be electric and things heat up, like the curling iron you can’t remember if you turned off or not. Once you two lock eyes, you immediately feel a pull like your […]

Most Americans are boring, ordinary muggles with a tragic inability to do anything cool like talk to dead people, move things with their mind, or recognize how funny I am on Twitter. However, a tiny fraction of us have “the gift.” You might have the gift already and not even know it. All you need now […]

Dear Babypod, I would like to file a complaint about your product. When I first heard about your speaker, which I could easily insert into my vagina and use to play music for my baby, I was very excited. This device was perfect for introducing my baby to my favorite band, Smash Mouth. At least […]

Regardless of their sex, your cat can have anywhere from 4 to 10 nipples, because God hates cat owners and wants to punish us. They’re horrifying, and they love showing them off like common whores. I’ve been to every vet in Los Angeles County and they all refused to remove my cat’s unsightly nipples, so […]

When you’re on the run from the Securities and Exchange Commission after orchestrating a massive fraudulent initial coin offering of your cryptocurrency, Skankcoin, you’re not going to hide out in some shack in Montana where there are more deer than mojitos. You earned the nearly $1 billion those dumb crypto-bros gave you of their own […]

Eating locally is an important way to make sure everyone knows you care about the environment and also don’t need to eat cheap Mexican fruit. Of course, the best way to do that is to cultivate your very own vegetable garden. It doesn’t get much more local than right outside your artfully decorated terrace. The […]

For some people, health scares, tragedies, or life-changing experiences are the last straw before we take the initiative to better our personal health. However, the rest of us all know that the key to living healthier than ever is paved with the fear of assassination from your evil future self. Whether they’re trying to take […]