Why Macaulay Culkin Isn’t Concerned About His Net Worth
You really shouldn’t be concerned with Macaulay Culkin’s net worth if he isn’t.
Our Exclusive Sneak Peek at the New Frasier-Inspired Makeup Line
If you love taupe you’re going to lose your shit for this.
We Put A Naked Lady Doing Yoga On This Article So You Will Click
Look, we all know you only browse yoga articles because maybe you’ll see a nipple or something. Whatever.
What Bathroom Stall You Use Based On Your Myers-Brigg Personality Type
We dove deep to find out exactly where you should be pooping. You’re welcome!
I Didn’t Vaccinate My Kid Because You Know Who Loves Needles? Junkies
One taste of that needle now, and they’ll be hooked for life.
Cage-Free Children: Right For You?
If you’re raising one of these “cage-free children,” you’re a crappy parent. There, we said it.
All Of The Ways Your Pet Hedgehog Has A Far Better Life Than You Ever Will
Sadly, you will never be able to experience the sheer, shit-eating bliss of being somebody’s beloved pet hedgehog. What an existence.
Jackfruit Is The Vegan Alternative To Dog Meat You’ve Been Waiting For
Look, we get it. There’s no need to preach to us about how good dog meat can be, and finding a healthy, delicious, vegan alternative can be difficult. Enter jackfruit, a freaky-looking, spiky fruit native to the tropical lowlands of Southeast Asia. Its meaty texture and neutral flavor will leave you amazed that you’re not […]
Fetish Of The Month: Subscription Boxes
Don’t act like you don’t have a thousand favorite subscription boxes.
The Newest Spring Color Is Gray Because All The Plants Have Died
We might be living in a lifeless, barren wasteland, but it’s nothing a little color wouldn’t spruce up if we hadn’t killed every color but grey!
What You’ll Choke To Death On Based On Your Star Sign
The other alternative is to just keep your big mouth shut and starve to death. #horoscopes
Welcome To The Bunny Ears Sex Issue, Which Is Mostly Just Garfield Erotica
We really didn’t think this one through
2019 Swimsuit Trends For Every Body As Long As They’re Skinny
Swimwear is no place to abandon ANY of your sisters, that’s why we’ve got the perfect swimsuits for every gal whose body fat percentage we accept as okay!
Identity Retreats: The Best Self-Care After You’ve Witnessed A Crime
I thought my life was over when I changed my identity and was forced into hiding. But boy was I wrong
Build Strong Relationships With Your Coworkers By Predicting Their Deaths
Hey Janice just wanted to let you know that sweater is super cute and also cancer but you’ve got like thirty years.
How I Used The Hinge App To Find The Smartest, Most Successful Exes
Based on my experience, these are hard rules (no exceptions) on how to catch the absolute perfect, most brilliant, driven person ever.
I Keep Accidentally Going To Spin Classes That Turn Out To Be Cleverly Named Laundromats
I ended up leaving after they finished playing “You Spin Me Right Round (Like A Record)” by Dead Or Alive for the sixth time. Is this all they play at this place, like, constantly on loop?
I Am NOT Trying To Cook You In This Ramen Noodle Bath
No, I’m not going to cook you in this soothing ramen noodle bath, dangit. And frankly, I’m offended you would even ask that.
5 Recipes To Impress No One Because You Don’t Need To, You’re Perfect
Minimum effort with maximum reminders that you’re great and everyone else can suck it.
The Bunny Ears ‘Fuck A Killer’ Subscription Box
Because this is apparently what you guys want? Really?
The Real Nutritional Supplement Was Inside You All Along
But how did I get regular after taking the supplements when I was so constipated before, you ask? Guess what. That was also you. Your poops were stuck inside your colon waiting for you to believe in yourself.
Upcycle Your Dead Dad’s Porn Magazines
We know you loved Dad, but we also know you love the environment more. Use this opportunity to teach everyone about the true beauty of upcycling.
I Support Wildlife Preservation So I Can Eat The Last Of Every Animal
Yes, even the cute ones. Especially the cute ones. Mmmmm delicious wildlife preservation.
I Shouldn’t Be Charged For The Hotel Room I Destroyed Doing Rage Yoga
I know I destroyed that hotel room. But you can’t persecute me for participating in rage yoga. I will contest this outrageous bill.
How To Make Edible Slime In A Desperate Attempt To Connect With Your Kids
If your kid prefers squishing a disgusting substance between their fingers more than interacting with you, then congratulations, this guide is for you.
I’m Worried My Kids Aren’t Weird Enough For Homeschooling
Will they be able to keep up with all those little creeps, goobers, freak-balls and toenail chewers? I’m just not convinced.
Meet Our New Au Pair, The Goblin King
Finding an au pair you can trust with your child is no small task. But we’ve come across a winner, and we want to share him with you!
Substitutions For Exotic Ingredients That Are, Ugh, Fine
Sure. Just google what’s in ras el hanout and blend together whatever shit you have in your spice rack.
The Importance Of Time-Travel-Restricted Eating
Look, we love food as much as the next guy. But there has to be limits. That’s why time travel restricted meals are so important.
How To Surreptitiously Moisturize Your Husband
Is your husband’s skin dry, cracked, or scaly? Here’s some sneaky, virtually fool-proof ways to get that man to moisturize.
Charitable Pooping Is A Thing And Allow Me To Explain
Ever feel like you’re letting your poops go to waste? Have you ever considered dropping them on the doorstep of people who may or may not need them?
Cookie Recipes That Hide The Bitter Taste Of All Those Crushed Pills
Are you tired of the bitter tasted of crushed up pills? Boy do we have something for you!
Six Spring Divorce Court Looks Guaranteed To Give Him Full Custody
If the nanny isn’t watching these kids YOU shouldn’t have to. Check out our divorce court wardrobe advice and make sure HE gets custody.
7 Lavish 4/20 Vacation Destinations Between Your Couch And Kitchen
Where are you going to go for Weed Christmas? Are you staying home? If so, here are the best spots for that perfect 4/20 vacation in your drab apartment.
The Best Edible Recipes For Your Easy Bake Oven
Here are some wacky and nostalgic recipes for edibles baked in the fiery kiln of an Easy-Bake Oven. Users be warned: It isn’t always easy being easy baked.
Our Festival Season Guide To The Most Luxe Antibiotics
Our hot new antibiotics primer let’s you get the most out of this year’s music festival without looking like a basic penicillin loser.
Ways To Accommodate The Tree Nut Allergy You Chose to Have
If you get halfway through a cookie and find out it has pistachios, you can go ahead and finish it if the cookie is really good.