How To Get Robert Mueller To Stop Super-Liking You On Tinder

July 2, 2018 by , featured in Spiritual Wellness
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Navigating the current dating landscape, specifically, the “Tinder Game,” can be incredibly confusing. Everyone’s there for a different reason. Some people are looking for real relationships, some people are looking for strange, some people are looking for meaningless hook ups, some people are just seeking attention, and Robert Mueller is super-liking away for who knows what reason. If you’re dedicated to finding The One, you’ll have to sift through a lot of BS. Getting Robert Mueller to stop super-liking you is chief among that.

Don’t Pretend to Be Someone You’re Not

When crafting your Tinder bio, it’s easy to fall into the trap of projecting the person you aspire to be, not who you actually are. If you like to hike, great! But don’t list “hiking” in your main interests if you don’t want to hit the trail every Saturday. The last thing you want is for a potential “partner in crime” to be unpleasantly surprised when they actually meet you and you start making plans. Robert Mueller is looking for an upstanding citizen with a love for country and justice, so don’t claim to be that person if you really enjoy shady business deals and cutting through as much legal tape as you can to get a building in Dubai. As the ancient Midrash says, “Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.”

Get Out Of Washington

Anyone who’s been on Tinder for an expended period of time knows that you always run into the same people. Even big cities with big dating pools have this problem. Robert Mueller will never stop super-liking you while you’re coming up on his Tinder. That’s a fact. Washington, DC is a great city but there are other great that the US has to offer. So maybe it’s time to get away. Nashville is known for its fantastic hot chicken. Minneapolis has a thriving theater community. San Francisco boasts a legendary trolley car system. Don’t think of it as running away from Robert Mueller. Think of it as exploring a new chapter in your life. New city, new you!

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Don’t Plead the Fifth

The easiest way to get people to swipe left on your Tinder bio is including way too much personal info. No one is looking for your life story. They want to be intrigued by your pictures and project their ideal hookup/relationship/partner onto you. The people who only include a vague quote or a word like “savage” are the people who get the most attention. Robert Mueller will only leave you alone if you freak him out with way too much information. Include extensive lists of your preferences and specific likes and dislikes and the only special counsel you’ll have to deal with is the counsel of your BFFs swiping through the real hotties.

Lose All Those Pics with Russian Oligarchs

Everyone falls prey to this: you have way too many pictures with your Russian Oligarch buddies. Robert Mueller isn’t just swiping to look at pictures of you, he’s swiping to see pictures of all your hot Russian Oligarch friends. He wants to find out who is friends with who so he can carefully gather information about you before a date. He wants to see that you’re not just some weirdo who keeps to themselves. If you have a bunch of bathroom selfies and pictures that look like you took them all in one lonely sitting, Robert Mueller will swipe left and move on to the next person. This is Tinder, not Tinder Social.

When you’re so focused on evading Robert Mueller, it’s easy to forget that there are a lot of great people on Tinder. These tips and tricks will surely keep Robert Mueller away but they also may fend away the good ones. So start multiple Tinder accounts and gather your own intel on the cuties in your area! Find fun, creative ways to meet them, like through your fixer or after a beauty pageant. Just promise me you won’t give up on love.

Images via: Pixabay, Wikimedia Commons- Pete Souza


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