Color Of The Month: Yellow
I volunteered to write about this month’s chosen color of the month assuming it would be a fun and relatively simple task for me…as long as the chosen color wasn’t yellow. Then Craig the Intern called to say the folks in the office had landed on…you guessed it: yellow (which is so stupid considering we just did Dandelion two months ago, and that’s basically also yellow, but whatever.) But it’s totally cool. Sure, I used to suffer from Xanthophobia, which, by coincidence, is an intense fear of the color…you guessed it again…yellow. However, I recently watched a couple of pretty inspirational YouTube videos and I think I’m cured now.
Anyway, here’s what I know about the color yellow.
Yellow is a super nice and cheery color that doesn’t make most people want to vomit in fear every time they see it or think about it. This sweater is yellow, and that doesn’t bother me at all.
Totally Not Scary Yellow Sweater
Another fun fact about this yellow sweater is that it looks like the one that strangles me in my nightmares. I wonder what would happen if it ever succeeded in killing me in dreams. Would I die in real life? Who knows! All can say is, wow. That’s sure a nice sweater.
Let’s see, what else is yellow? Oh, I know!
The Terrifying Large Bird From Sesame Street
Here he is contemplating eating some children. Please don’t say his name because I’m pretty sure it gives him power. Why is he so large? Is he some kind of prehistoric bird? How big are the trees on Sesame Street? You know what—it’s best not to dwell on that. Or talk about it too much at all. There’s a chance he’ll appear when you say his name and WE DO NOT WANT THAT DO WE? I’d rather think about more fun things that are yellow.
Those are yellow, right? Crazy fact about school buses: They actually kill 134 people a year on average. That’s more than sharks. It’s statistically more logical to be afraid of school buses than sharks, which everyone is afraid of and no one has to go to seven years of therapy for. So that’s a fun fact about school buses.
The Coldplay Song “Yellow”
Coldplay wrote a song called “Yellow.” It appears to be about a man being hunted by the color. That’s ridiculous, Chris Martin. A color can’t stalk and murder you. You need help, Chris Martin. Excuse me, I’m just going to take a moment to breathe into this bag. Not that I’m hyperventilating or anything. This is just a cool new trend that all of us totally normal, yellow-loving people do.
The Eyes Of Predatory Animals
It’s so cute how only predatory animals have yellow eyes. Almost like it’s God’s little warning sign. A true harbinger of doom some might say. Adorable! So cuddly. I just love it.
Oh look, yet another instance in which yellow means something bad. Gosh it’s starting to feel like that’s almost not a coincidence, right? Also maybe a little bit like the walls are closing in on me. Is there an undertone of yellow in that white paint? Has it been hiding in plain sight all along? I’m beginning to fear I have angered it by drawing attention to its presence. That’s cool. Everybody just be cool. Let’s talk about something else nice that’s yellow.
Nothing like a whole bunch of bees, right?! Everybody loves bees. I could hang out with bees all day if I wasn’t terribly allergic to their deadly stings. Bees are great!
I don’t think it’s working you guys. The yellow knows bees are scary. I need to distract it. What’s the yellowist thing I can think of? Oh I know!
Mmmm yeah take all of that tasty yellow and just put it right inside of your body and it’s fine. It can lay dormant for decades until it’s ready to strike. Which is so wonderful. I can’t wait to be destroyed by my overlord, the color yellow.
Well, I guess that about wraps this up! I’m so glad I volunteered to write this article. This was an amazing idea and in no way traumatizing for me! I love my job and I love the color yellow, and so should you. Or else. Because it knows if you don’t love it.