Recipes For Cooking And Serving Your Weakest Pokémon
You have two problems: no plans for Thanksgiving Dinner, and an abundance of just terrible Pokemon. Why not have one problem solve the other?
Are Your Crystals Being Tested on Spirit Animals?
We shouldn’t let our thirst for power interfere with our compassion for our spiritual companions.
Meditative Things White People Can Do While Black People Attempt To Explain White Privilege
There are many ways to handle being called out by black people, so here are our favorites!
Can You Screw Up Pizza? We’re Gonna Try!
You know what they say: You can’t screw up pizza! But we’re gonna try.
These Are The Beauty Essentials We Chose When Literally Forced At Gunpoint
“Look out! Macaulay Culkin has a gun!”
I Just Realized Green Juice Is Cold Soup And I Am Going To End These Bastards
You better hope your colon is in order, because I’m about to blow the shit straight out of you.
I, Quarog The World Eater, Must Have Plant Milk
I know there have been a lot of questions since I, Quarog The World Eater, appeared in the space that surrounds your planet.
Why Does Everyone Keep Telling Me My Hunger Strike Is A Great Idea And I Should Stick To It?
I didn’t expect anyone to understand the sacrifice I was making through my hunger strike, but I really didn’t expect them to vehemently insist I keep going.
It’s Not Too Late To Start Knitting A Fall Scarf You Will Never Finish
Autumn is the perfect time to tackle a project like knitting a beautiful scarf, one that could finesse your whole look if you finished it, which you won’t.
The French Model: Teaching Your Child to Eat Like A Perfect Little Asshole
Turn your stupid fat American child into a glorious, perfectly-behaved little Madeline thanks to a strict French diet!
We Can’t Get Enough Of These 5 Celebrity-Recommended Tax Havens
When celebs spill the beans on the best countries to open an offshore bank account to hide their wealth from different governments, we’re here for it.
Using Small Amounts Of Products My Boyfriends Wife Has In Her Bathroom Improved My Skin
She has such good taste, and really springs for the good stuff!
How To Care For My Emotional Support Dog During My Home Water Birth
Just because it’s a DIY neopagan water birth taking place in a tiny yurt does not mean there are no rules.
What Your Favorite Color Says About The Day You’ll Die
Your favorite color reveals both your preferences for physical and spiritual connections, but also some pretty graphic details about how you’ll snuff it.
7 Tips That Will Save Your Marriage From Frankenstein Monsters
7 steps to protect your marriage from the grips of Frankenstein Monsters.
Fresh And Flirty Tips For Dressing Like Your Favorite Serial Murderers
Check out our exclusive serial killer style guide for fall 2018.
Can You Believe We Didn’t Make Up Titanic II?
I mean seriously, come on, Titanic II? That has us written all over it.
I Murdered a Golem And Made A Soothing Clay Mask!
After discovering a murderous golem in my community, I tracked it down and killed it to create my very own golem clay mask. And you can, too!
6 Stages Of WTF When Your Meditation Teacher Says ‘Marinate’ Instead Of ‘Meditate’
You’re focusing on trying to enter a zone of heightened consciousness, but your guided meditation instructor keeps saying ‘marinate’ instead of ‘meditate.’
Bone Broth Is Out, Gnawing On Bones Is In!
Why waste time boiling stacks of the flayed dead so you can suckle the runoff when you can cut out the middle man and get all the nutrients you need direct from the source?
Rid Yourself Of Bad Energy By Putting Your Electrical Appliances On Trial
Negative energy is the most underrated problem affecting your everyday life—and it mostly comes from your nefarious electrical appliances.
Tips For Growing An Organic, GMO-Free Garden In Your Family’s Pet Cemetery
What better way to pay respect to the pets you miss than to plant a produce garden in their name, right on top of their graves?
Slut Shaming Is Wrong Unless I Am About to Finish
No man should be going around calling women names unless they are in my bed, kitchen, or bathtub and I am about 30 seconds away from le petit mort.
Consuming Activated Cashews Is Like Getting Railed By Mr. Peanut And We Can’t Recommend It Enough
These delicious, healthful activated cashews are so godammned good you’ll literally feel like you’re getting pounded by Mr. Peanut.
Sex-Positive Pumpkin Carving Ideas That Will Arouse Your Whole Neighborhood
Instead of candy, give your neighbors what they really want this Halloween: a comprehensive sexual education via seasonal and sensual pumpkins!
How To Enjoy Fall Foliage Even If That Thing From ‘The Happening’ Happens
Before you pack up the station wagon, it’s only natural to wonder what to do if that thing from The Happening happens.
Please Stop Trying To Cleanse My House of Evil Spirits, They Do The Dishes
It happens every time: I invite a friend over for brunch, a tarot reading, or an intravenous drug party, and they soon notice that my house is clearly haunted. It’s admittedly hard to miss— objects fly around seemingly of their their volition, and there’s that faint, creepy whispering from deep within the walls. I try to […]
You’re Only Taking Yoga Classes So You Can Learn To Go Down On Yourself. Own it
Here’s a scenario: You’re in your first yoga class ever and you accidentally reveal that the only reason you’re there is so you can become limber enough to orally pleasure yourself. The class is stunned by your admission, and you’re shocked to discover that people do yoga for reasons other than orally pleasuring themselves. No […]
Our Annual Fall Foliage Guide Has Been Discontinued Because Our Intern Got Lost in the Woods and Died
As many of you know, every year, we here at Bunny Ears bring you a detailed guide to all things autumn. Normally, our interactive autumnal map allows you to search B&Bs in the area by size, style, and quaint charm, while our color wheel breaks down every leaf shade permutation possible by region and time […]
Make Your Relationship As Good As The One I Have With This BBQ Pulled Pork Macaroni And Cheese
Relationships can be tough, but when you find your perfect other half, you’ll be amazed by how easy things can be. I personally feel so lucky to be in a relationship that’s so intuitive and carefree. I am, of course, talking about my relationship with this barbecue pulled pork macaroni and cheese. It’s a simple […]
The Boxed Wine And Whatever Is In The Fridge Crash Diet
Hello again, readers! We here at Bunny Ears love trying out new diets and telling you about the results. Juice cleanses, the five-bite system, raw foods—we’re here for them all. And as much as I’d love to review a new trendy diet for you today, I hit a bit of a snafu up front: The only thing […]
African-American Style Staples To Convince White People You Aren’t Going To Rob Them
Here at Bunny Ears, we’re always busy promoting African Americans, as well as African American styles and traditions. And while we love celebrating much of African Americano, we have to admit to a more…unsettling truth: black people make a lot of white people uncomfortable, which, in turn, makes black people feel unsafe. It’s a story […]
I Tried The Sleeping Beauty Diet And I’m Gonna Eat My Prince When He Show Up
As a good-hearted, courageous princess, I totally understand that a diet may not be feasible to the working woman/peasant. I know many of you have children to rear and like, goats to tend? I’ve definitely seen goats out there, so my guess is you’re tending them— because peasant men are useless, amiright? See, we’re the […]
How To Talk To Your Kids About Skeletons Trying To Steal Your Treasure
It’s a sad truth that any normal family who keeps a large pile of gold and precious gems in their home is going to attract skeletons. It’s perfectly natural for children to be frightened of skeletons, but they need to understand that skeleton attacks are just a natural part of life. Every skeleton attack can […]
Check Out These Cleaning Tricks Your Maid Should Really Know How To Do Already
Admit it—nothing stresses you out like keeping a tidy home. From family to friends, working out to wealth management, it’s hard to find the time to keep everything spick and span. Thankfully, we’ve got a few tips that’ll make cleaning a breeze, as long as your maid is paying attention when you explain them to […]
I Deserve The Right To Breastfeed My Snakes In Public
Sometimes when I breastfeed in public, ignorant store owners or cops feel the need to stop me instead of dealing with their own weird hangups. Breastfeeding is beautiful and natural. It’s a sacred bond between a mother and her young, and I should have the right to breastfeed my snakes in public whenever I want. […]
The Beginner’s Guide To England’s Regional Butthole Slang
Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide, our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. This week, we’ll be taking you through: The Beginner’s Guide To England’s Regional Butthole Slang The United Kingdom is a very small country, but it’s such an old country […]
People Always Told Me I Couldn’t Start My Own Bee Farm, So I Proved Them Right
People always told me there was no way I’d ever be able to manage a hive of bees like the trendy rooftop beekeepers of New York City, and oh boy, did it feel good to silence all the haters when I proved them right. I think I knew I wouldn’t be a good beekeeper when […]
Sick Tricks To Do While Breastfeeding Your Baby
At Bunny Ears, we do our best to help turn new moms into supermoms. Now that you’ve survived labor and lost the baby weight, it’s time for an actual challenge! Check out these super-sick breastfeeding tricks, each one guaranteed to turn your daily milking into the intense, body-busting competitive sport you better rock if you […]
A Tour Guide Of The Places Where Men Have Dumped Me
When it comes to men, I’ve been around the neighborhood a few times, if you know what I mean. What I mean is that I have been dumped by various men in various places in the town where I live throughout the years. Come with me, if you like, as I relive this journey and […]
How To Make Bulletproof Mountain Dew
If you’re interested in wellness trends, you’ve most likely heard of Bulletproof coffee—A.K.A. adding healthy fats, like organic butter or ghee, to your daily cup of java. This slight adjustment to your morning routine allegedly fuels both your mind and body while also keeping you satiated longer, which means less potential for unhealthy snacking later […]