bunnyears

…Local white guy “gets it”…
…Big dick energy drink selling poorly…
…Hospital Cracks Down On Patients Getting Chemo For Fun…
…Spoiler alert: The milk has gone bad…
…Don’t Forget To Grab Milk…
…Millennials Are Disrupting The Banjo Industry…
…Scientists find that deja vu is just alternate timeline of you dying…
…According to studies studying causes cancer…
…Research shows laughter definitely not the best medicine…
…Opinion: We’re In A Golden Age Of Trash Talking…
…’Glow Up’ Discovered To Just Be DBZ Reference…
…Mother Struggles To Explain Scott Baio To Her Child…
…13th month discovered between February and March….
…Children May Be Stupider And Weaker Than Previously Thought…
…Chill Girlfriend Constantly Suppressing Everything…
…Shazaam not a real movie…Google it…
…Violent Pokémon dispute sparks trade war…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Your Dog Might Have A Secret Passport…
…Update: Only very tiny hats now cool…
…Quiz: Is This The Good Milk?…
…Am I standing right behind you? The answer might surprise you!…
…Half The World’s Bees Have Never Seen The Show Seinfeld…
…Unusually Buff Dog Not Breaking Eye Contact…
…6 Year Online Romance Ends In Weird Handshake…
…Local Couple Adopts Blind Dogs And Just Puts Them Down…
…Scientists Discover A Lot Of Cool Junk In Older Brother’s Room…
…Hurricane wipes out town of Duckberg…
…Confirmed: Everyone is hanging out without you…
…Woman With Scoliosis Has Detailed Knowledge Of Floor-…
…New Boyfriend Eats Imitation Crab Straight From The Package…
…Email From Mom Has 4 FWDs In Subject Line…
…Santa is real, and he lives in your crawl space….
…Man pretty sure Game Of Thrones is historically accurate…
…Did Tupac fake his birth?…
…Report reveals Rice-A-Roni actually from Detroit…
…Against All Odds, Man Learns To Dance…
…Fourth grade teacher found to be not as hot as you remember…
…Sugar daddy eaten by ants…
…Bunny Ears wins prestigious Bunny Ears website of the year award at the Bunny Ears Awards…
…Reported discovery of new planet turns out to be your mom…
…Drugs In Water Supply Treat Fish’s Depression…
…Help, I’m Trapped In A Headline Writing Factory. Details To Follow…
…According to studies accordions are unsteady…
…Study: Loss Of Car Leads To 1000% Catcalling Increase…
…Single 32 Year Old Patiently Waits For Friends To Get Divorced…
…Adult Hearing Mom Use Their Full Name Still Terrified…
…Dollars to donuts exchange crashing…
…Opinion: I Have The Best Smile And Coolest Personality …
…Man discovers woman already knows thing he was going to tell her….
…A New Generation Of Turtles Are Learning Martial Arts…
…Single Woman Manages To Meet Food Delivery Minimum…
…Woman Memorizes Snapple Fact In Case Tonight’s Party Is That Bad…
…Gordon Ramsay Signed Beef Wellington Sells For 1.6 Million…
…Breaking – There’s A Spider In Your Pocket…
…Survey finds startling amount of ghosts are racist….
…Breaking: Absolutely no one wang chunging tonight…
…Very smart toilet begs for death…

I Made All My Own Clothes For A Month And Was Mistaken For A Scarecrow

I thought making my own clothes for an entire month would be a fun social experiment. For the price of a single pair of track pants (around six hundred dollars) I purchased a sewing machine, material, and several cute patterns from my local craft store. I was ready to tackle a whole month of making my own clothes, but what I wasn’t ready for was consistently being mistaken for a scarecrow.

The other day I was at Walmart and someone walked right up to me, said “Oh this is cute,” and put me in their cart. It was so awkward. I ended up riding all the way home with them and letting them install me in their garden. Then I had to walk all the way back to the Walmart and by the time I got there I couldn’t remember what I had come there for in the first place.

     Here’s a helpful list of ways you can tell people from scarecrows:

  • Scarecrows can’t blink
  • Humans have feet
  • Scarecrows can’t open their mouths
  • Humans have hair that is not made of straw
  • Scarecrows have a pole coming out of their genitals
  • Some humans do not (no judgment if that’s what you’re into)

Listen, I get it. My sewing skills aren’t the best, and I do like to walk around with both of my arms outstretched to the side. Also I am extremely thin because I don’t trust carbs. Also my small, dark, beady eyes do resemble buttons in a certain light. Still, it doesn’t seem possible that a well-tailored pair of six hundred dollar track pants are the only difference between me and a scarecrow.

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I can see one, maybe two people in a month mistaking me for a scarecrow, but this was constant. At my nephews birthday party I was TALKING to my cousin when my sisters husband came up from behind me and said, “what’s this guy doing here, you’re supposed to be in the garden” before picking me up and carrying me away. I WAS AT YOUR WEDDING DOUG. For the rest of the party I was awkwardly shooing birds away from their tomatoes because I didn’t want to make a fuss.

It wasn’t just people who mistook me for a scarecrow either. Birds were especially rude to me. I feel no need to elaborate on this, as we all know how rude birds can be. It was a pretty big bummer because I actually love crows! I don’t want to scare them away at all. I’m just very bad at sewing!

Being Constantly Mistaken For A Scarecrow Is The #1 Source Of My Low Self-Esteem.

It’s not a big deal and I really do hate to bother people, but, my self esteem has really been harmed by this. The other day I went to dinner by myself and even though the waiting room was empty I could not get a table. When I asked the Maitre D what was taking so long, he said, “I’m so sorry miss, the way you were learning up against that wall I mistook you for a festive fall decoration.” He didn’t have to say it I knew he meant scarecrow. At least he was polite enough to seat me once I started talking. Yet the night ended where so many of my nights have lately, in an empty field, when the waiter put me out back in the restaurants organic garden instead of serving me dinner.

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All in all I would have to call the experiment a failure. Did I save a ton of money on clothes? Yes. However, when you factor in the added labor, the doctors bills for the pneumonia I got from being left outside in the cold so much, and the years of scarecrow related therapy I’m going to need, I think I probably just about broke even.

 

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