Who Rescued Whom: Why My Rescue Crow is the Last Pet I’ll Ever Need

Who Rescued Whom is a new recurring series where Bunny Ears’ resident animal expert Allison Mick guides you through the many things you should know about adopting rescue animals — especially crows!

So you think you’re ready to rescue a pet, but you’re not depressed enough for a cat and don’t want people saying “doggo” at you on the street. Have you considered murder? A murder? Of crows? Rescue crows. The world of ornithology has long been written off by prospective pet owners in favor of more “established” animals, like tea cup pigs and turtles. But look to the family Corvidae and you’ll find that corvids are intelligent, beautiful, and goth. Like graceful, flying Robert Smiths.

When it comes to corvids, Mr. Bunny Ears himself, Mack Culkin, recommends sticking to crows. “Magpies and jays suck, and do NOT get me started on those pretentious ravens,” he often says.

And he’s absolutely right. Ravens are a high-maintenance bird and not recommended for first time corvid rescuers. Jays and magpies have winning personalities but are extremely loud and borderline untrainable. You may as well get a Dalmatian. 

However, I love my rescue crows and I’m confident you’ll love yours, too. In fact, the only thing better than one rescue crow is two rescue crows. Jack Black and Gregory Peck are everything an independent woman on the go can possibly want from a pet: clean, conscientious, and phenomenal at helping me find lost earrings. They’re so smart I’ve even considered enrolling them in a highly prestigious preschool (note: ability to do so may vary by state).

However, before you take the plunge for yourself, we highly recommend reading the below questions to ensure a pet crow is right for you and your lifestyle.

 29 Questions to Ask Before Adopting a Rescue Crow

1. How did the crow come to be in the shelter or foster home and how long has he or she been there?
2. Why was he or she surrendered?
3. Is he or she possessed by the demon Abraxas?
4. Does the crow show any signs of separation anxiety?
5. How long can he or she be home alone?
6. How long can he or she be Home Alone 2: Lost in New York?
7. Does he or she have any fears? (Thunderstorms, loud noises, ghosts)
8. Where does he or she sleep at night? In a crow bed, nest, perhaps perched menacingly on a sculpture?
9. How much exercise does he need in an average day?
10. How much energy does the crow have?
11. What are his favorite activities? (Flying, swimming, pecking, ultimate frisbee, etc.)
12. Is he independent or dependent? Does he lack self-confidence?
13. How did the crow’s parents show their love?
14. Is the crow good at apologizing?
15. Is the crow quick to forgive?
16. Will the rescue crow warn you of approaching bad omens?
17. Any known medical issues?
18. Is the crow neutered/spayed?
19. Can the crow beat water type Pokemon?
20. Does he have any allergies?
21. How important is religion to this crow?
22. If Odin summons him, how long until he comes back?
23. Check the eyes and ears for yourself. Are the eyes clear of discharge? Are the inside of the ears clean?
24. How do I find its ears?
25. Do crows have ears?
26. I Googled it: They do.
27. Does this crow know the importance of self care?
28. What is the crow’s love language?
29. How does this crow respond to conflict and channel its anger? Cawing? Pecking? Scratching?  Shutting down? Passive aggressive Post-It notes?

If you read through all of the above and feel comfortable with your answers, then a rescue crow just may be the perfect addition to your pet family. But don’t take our word for it: Take Macaulay Culkin’s.