The Way You Spell Hanukkah Could Determine If You’re A Sociopath

How is it already 5779?! It feels like just yesterday we were enjoying the peace and tranquility of the mid-70s, and now we’re about to get slapped in the face by the unpredictable, turbulent 80s. In these trying times, we have to find solace wherever we can, and thankfully we have the Jewish Festival of Lights to look forward to. But don’t get too comfortable. Hanukkah is a time of celebration, family fun, singing, and joy, but it’s also the perfect time for challenging, sometimes painful self-reflection. It’s a good time to ask, “Could I be a sociopath?” Luckily, the test to determine if you have a deep disassociation from basic human empathy requires nothing more than attempting to spell the word Hanukkah.

Hanukkah

This is the spelling you might call, “the standard.” If you write “Hanukkah” in your calendar, you probably feel comfortable following societal norms and are not prone to manipulating people with no regard for their feelings or the emotional trauma you may cause. You should definitely take a few online quizzes to be certain, but your chances of being a sociopath are low. Don’t rule it out though. Sociopaths often deceive people into believing they’re more rule-oriented than they actually are, so ask yourself: is that how I really spell “Hanukkah”? Every time? Be honest with others AND yourself.

Chanukah

While this is another popular spelling, using “Chanukah” can signal to others that you’re an out-of-the-box thinker. While this can be beneficial in some ways, it also tells me that you don’t always think that the rules apply to you. Textbook sociopath stuff. Sociopaths see themselves as special and often act in ways that put their own needs above everyone else’s. If you’re signing your holiday cards, “Happy Chanukah,” take a cold, hard look at why you’re forcing your friends and family members to ask themselves, “is that how that’s spelled?” You may not be an actual sociopath, but you’re clearly displaying some sociopath tendencies.

Hannukah

Some might just read this as a common misspelling, but they’d be dead wrong. This is a lightning rod that strongly suggests you’re a sociopath. Two “Ns” and one “K” is downright disrespectful and you know what you’re doing. You’re toxic and I’m not comfortable having you around my family, or in my life for that matter. Even if you’re not a full-blown sociopath, you’re well on your way. Remember, sociopaths aren’t always born that way. They can transform through continual negative love and relationship patterns, self-sabotage, or from spending too much time on certain subreddits.

Horoscope

No one spells the name of our beautiful festival of lights like this, so you are a certifiable sociopath. Please seek help and stop destroying the lives of those around you for your own amusement. I know you don’t feel real feelings, so this won’t resonate with you emotionally, but let me try to appeal to your twisted logic. When you hurt those around you by misspelling the name of their favorite holiday or by stealing their whole group of friends with a fake personality, you lose that person in your life and have to move on to a new victim. This will catch up with you eventually, and the money, fame, or status that you’re seeking will all go away. You’ve been warned.

I know we just scratched the surface of why you are almost certainly a sociopath, but this should serve as a quick and easy first screener to set you down the path to healing. You don’t have to live with your sociopathic tendencies and you certainly don’t have to let them control you. Feel free to comment below to tell us about another sociopath in your life. Happy Hanukkah and please go to therapy!

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