It goes without saying that Dickensian villain Miss Havisham is a style ICON. True icon-status takes commitment, and nothing says commitment like wearing the same dress for decades as it slowly decays around you. #YAS QUEEN! She’s serving up ferocious old-hag sheek and we’re going in for seconds. And here’s how you can get that lewk:
NOTICE THE DETAILS
The most crucial thing to remember is the fine print. Like she’s only wearing one shoe. Could she afford to replace that shoe? Of course! But she doesn’t replace it, and you want to know why? FASHION. She’s dedicated to her craft and you have to be, too. I don’t want to hear some shit about how your foot is cold, or how you got tetanus from stepping on a nail. I said one shoe is cool and I only want to see one goddamn shoe on your gross little foot from now on.
Dead flowers are in. Alive flowers are soooo out. The deader the better (I have Edgar Allen Poe’s high school prom boutonniere, but I’m saving it for fashion week). These are the little details that really matter. Miss Havisham gets it, and you can too.
When you hear that someone is wearing a full length gown 24/7 you might think that sounds a little extra. And you know who was a little extra? A lady called MISS HAVISHAM. She’s extra as fuck and everyone loves her for it. She got dumped by one guy—one stupid guy. He’s probably the 1800s equivalent of a bowling alley assistant manager and she’s crying, “Why Brian, wwwwhhhhyyyy” for the rest of her life.
Then she got burned to death. Nothing is more extra than getting burned to death. Put yourself out there. Don’t be afraid. Be Havisham.
ACCESSORIZE (EXCLUSIVELY WITH SPIDERS)
I’m not talking about throwing on a necklace or a bow tie or some shit. I’m talking live spiders in your hair. Nothing says, “I’m accessorizing” like spiders. Anytime you feel like an outfit needs a little pop of color, or structure, or something to give it that extra oomph, add spiders. People will take notice.
JUST BE COOL
There’s no need to run out and buy the next hot thing fresh off the runway. When someone asks Miss Havisham about her fabulous wedding dress and she says, “Oh this old thing?” it comes off as sincere, because it is! She not a slave to the latest trends and she honestly can’t be because she’s a busy lunatic. Plus, wearing the same wedding dress for decades frees up so much time for multitasking. How else could she ruin the lives of orphans and grieve her lost love while also wrangling all those spiders?
IT’S OK TO BE MATCHY MATCHY
You might think white hair, a white dress, white skin (because you haven’t been outside in twenty years) is too much. What if you get mistaken for a ghost? Ha. You mean one of the most powerful creatures on earth? Oh no you got mistaken for a super powerful ghost boo hoo how terrible for you. Own. It.
KEEP THAT HAIR ON POINT
Sure Miss Havisham is in a deep state of depression, but she still gets up every day and gets her hair done. The clocks in her house may all be permanently stopped at twenty minutes to nine, but her hair dressers show up at 8 a.m every morning and Miss Havisham is always ready. Because she’s fierce, she’s female, she’s absolutely covered in spiders, and if you follow these tips, you can be just like her!
Images: Lionsgate, Universal-International,