#MondayMotivation From Macaulay Culkin (December 2018 Edition)

December 10, 2018 by , featured in Spiritual Wellness
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Every week we share some sage wisdom from the Bunny Boss, as well as reader testimonials from people who have taken Mack’s excellent advice to heart.

Monday December 31, 2018

 

12/31

Dear Macaulay,

What’s wrong with driving a thousand miles? I bet you didn’t know that ROADS were a thing. That’s right, before man took to the sky in metal birds that God never intended to exist, the good old-fashioned righteous AUTOMOBILE took us upstanding citizens wherever we wanted to go. Before humanity got ideas above (literally) its station, you could drive from sea to shining sea on sweet American soil, and then just keep right on going, through the waves like Christopher Columbus himself. Why are you encouraging the devil’s transportation?

In fear for your soul,

A Fan of Highways

 

Dear Mack,

But what if I want to be the man who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door?

Sincerely,

Took A Wrong Turn Somewhere Around Mile 343

Monday December 24, 2018

12/24

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Dear Mack,

Sorry, but I have no freaking idea what this means.

Sincerely,

Tough but Confused

December 17, 2018

12/17

Dear Mr. Culkin,

Perhaps you remember me. We attended the same alpine meditation and underwater board game retreat last year. We engaged in intricate chess matches and bonded over the best way to season a quiche. I wanted to reach out and congratulate you on your excellent taste (pun very much intended) in aligning yourself against the charlatans who argue for garlic powder. They will never understand true sophistication.

 

Warm regards,

An Enemy of Your (Spice) Enemy

December 10th, 2018

12/10

Dear Mack,

I followed your advice and it’s SO. FREEING. Traffic laws are for schmucks! I jaywalk everywhere now. My skin has cleared up, I sleep great at night, and the constant brushes with death make me feel so ALIVE.

Thank you,

Jaywalkin’ Down the Street

 

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How To Talk About Polyamory Until No One Wants To Fuck You

Dear Macaulay,

Please stop telling people to ignore me. It hurts my feelings.

Sincerely,

A Crosswalk

December 3rd 2018

12/3

Dear Mack,

You are so right about the standing thing. My whole life, I refused to take sides. I never stood up for any of the things that the people around me fought for. I didn’t care about anything. I told myself that politics were lame. I told myself that there weren’t any actual issues that affected me. I stayed in bed all day having no opinion about anything, and my calf muscles did atrophy, just like you said. When the bears came for me, I couldn’t run away. I couldn’t do anything! They started eating me, from the atrophied legs up. They’re eating me this very minute. Oh god. The pain.

Sincerely,
Can’t Bear to Stand Up and Can’t Stand Up to Bears


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