Improve Your Feng Shui Exclusively Through Heavy Metal Posters

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So y’all won’t believe what I found in a free bin in front of Green Noise Records here in Portland. Long before Bunny Ears was a website, it was a grungy hand-printed zine. The vibe was similar, but the times were different. It was less about detoxing heavy metals and more about embracing heavy metal. We were all into Headbangers Ball back then. Here at Bunny Ears, we are as want to embrace nostalgia as we want to improve your feng shui, so archiving this classic piece of history should accomplish both.

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Unfortunately, being a free box find, the zine itself got rained on so much of the rest of it is illegible. You can get the idea tho. Other tips included:

  • A Hollywood Rose (NOT GUNS AND ROSES) poster in the bedroom
  • Making sure to hang your Ratt and Trixter posters on the opposite sides of the house or apartment or basement you live in.
  • Poison posters should be nowhere near where you eat food.
  • Too many posters of identical frizzy blonde haired dudes next to each other can congest the flow of energy through your living space. Be sure to space them out.
  • That inevitable “Frank Zappa On The Toilet” poster we all had in our bathrooms in the mid-90s was extremely bad mojo. Everyone that did so wound up voting Republican this last election.

Hope you had fun with this blast from the past and found some helpful tips! I’ll definitely be keeping an eye out for more stuff from the archives!

Images: Mercury Records, Vertigo Records, Enigma Records


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Rani Baker: Rani Baker is a writer for Cracked, Transadvocate, Bunny Ears (I mean) among others and frontperson for hacker punk band Destroyed For Comfort. Created the video games You Can't Go Home, Never Go To Work and Death Sword. Wants to be funnier but also wants you to like her just so, so much. Not a celebrity devil worshiper, or at least not a celebrity.