Remembering The Doping Scandal That Rocked ‘Mario & Sonic At The Olympic Games’

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Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games fans will undoubtedly remember the major cheating scandal of 2016. Olympic officials became immediately suspicious when Dr. Eggman, not Sonic, won every competition in Track & Field. Some argued that Eggman’s long, completely out-of-proportion legs, gave him an advantage. “Sonic might be fast,” Dr. Eggman said, “but those little blue nubs are terribly inefficient.” Suspicion only grew after it was discovered that Dr. Eggman falsified a urine test with what later turned out to be a sample from Wario.

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Only Dopes Dope

Olympic officials reportedly had reservations about allowing Eggman to urinate through a slot in his Eggmobile for the sake of “privacy.” However, they allowed it in the interest of good faith. When his unexpectedly low race times raised questions, a second test was administered. Lab results showed traces of the red blood cell-enhancing drug erythropoietin, and the doctor was immediately stripped of his medals.

But why cheat? Why take that risk on the world’s stage? When asked, Dr. Eggman said he refused to be shown up by Sonic yet again, so he entered a competition everyone assumed Sonic would win handily. To this day, the disgraced doctor has made it clear that he feels no remorse. In an interview with Bob Costas in 2017, he said, “It was all worth it for that brief, 24-hour window where that pesky little hedgehog thought he had lost a footrace to me, a fat old man with legs so precariously thin I have to get around in a personal hovercraft.”

A Sad Tale

As for the others wrapped up in the scandal, Vector the Crocodile admitted to doping as well, saying he feared that losing a swimming competition would damage his credibility. Miles “Tails” Prower, Sonic’s closest friend and running partner, admitted that—tired of playing sidekick—he, too, partook. “I wanted to blaze my own path towards a golden ring I could call my own—a gold medal.” He received a lifetime ban from Olympic competition. He and Sonic have severed all ties and have reportedly not spoken since.

Image: Pexels, Nintendo


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Luis Prada: Luis is a columnist for Cracked.com and an astral projection of an unfathomable being from across the universe.
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