Everyone wants to know what the new Pokémon Sword and Shield starter Pokémon will evolve into, so we did some digging. And it turns out Sobble evolves into a 30-year-old woman with an obscure writing career who cries when she watches Riverdale and oh my god it’s me. I am an adult Sobble.
Let’s Look At The Irrefutable Evidence:
Sobble’s powers include “hiding” and “making everyone else around it cry”—both things at which I excel. According to the internet, lots of people feel sorry for Sobble. Lots of people also feel sorry for me. The similarities cannot be denied.
Great. Now I’m going to have to fight other Pokémon probably. I don’t think I would be very good at that, you guys. I’m sad. Feel sorry for me. Oh shit, did I just activate my Pokémon powers? Hey, that’s pretty neat.
I’m just going to microwave a dinner for one. Please ignore me, the adult Sobble. Don’t even bother finishing this article. I’m sure my dad won’t. Wow my Pokémon powers are out of control right now!
The good news is, living in a poke ball will be more spacious than my studio apartment. Also, having a Pokémon trainer is kind of like having a boyfriend, right? Right! I’m starting to feel really good about this whole Sobble thing. Stuff is finally looking up for old Lydia.
Oh no, did I just lose my Pokémon powers? If I experience even one fleeting moment of joy will I no longer be able to battle Charizard? What cruel fate has befallen me? Ok, cool my Sobble powers are back. The world is my oyster. Especially because people expect way less from a Pokémon than they do a human woman.
I alway say I want to start meditating and get more evolved. No need for that now. I can throw out all of those self-help books and tell my therapist (okay, my grocery store clerk) I’m already as evolved as possible. That is the only explanation for my life I will henceforth accept.
View Comments (1)
Oh god, this made me laugh while feeling like shit in the breakroom of my dead end job. Thanks.