The holidays are upon us, and surviving the family time can be just as grueling as a Survivor Series match. Especially during the annual holiday fight. So what wrestler should you bring to the event as a tag partner for your Christmas/Hanukkah/Yule tussle? Here’s a list of our top picks.
Ken Shamrock
Ken Shamrock is a fantastic choice for the annual holiday fight, especially for fending off the father figures in your life when shit goes down. His arsenal of ankle locks and heel hooks will divert attention from the most awkward conversations about your career choices. Plus, he can entertain those same father figures with tales from his times at UFC, Pride, and Pancrase while you sneak another slice of pie.
Daniel Bryan
After their third pre-dinner glass of wine, most of your family thinks they could take on Bryan due to his small size. Well, surprise, Cousin Luke! No one goes on the warpath harder than a vegan faced with eggnog and roast beef. Just tell Bryan that the green beans have bacon bits in them and watch him ‘Yes Kick’ every face in the dining room. And he’ll likely bring some lovely apple chutney for dessert.
The Big Show
You gonna take on a giant? Neither will Aunt Bridget. Just make sure there’s a whole ham or Christmas goose for him to devour after.
Gobbledy Gooker
The site of a full-grown man in a turkey costume will disorient drunken family members and terrorize older ones. And everyone will be mesmerized by his giant whiffle ball eyes. Plus, having a giant feathered freak jump and tumble throughout grandma’s house will keep everyone confused and horrified. That’s when you strike.