Check Out Our Winter Jumpers With Absolutely No Implications Of Blackface
Could you imagine if someone actually made a blackface jumper and sold it?
Sophisticated Gifts For Kids That Are Sure To Get Them Bullied
You’ll look like a parent with impeccable modern taste, but you’ll never have to put your skills to use because your child won’t have any friends left!
Rustic Mason Jars for Pickling Your Feelings
Because therapy is expensive.
Achieve Perfect Zen Through A Total Lack Of Empathy
And wind chimes!
These Crystals Have The Same Names As Women I Cheated On Karen With
Crystals are supposed to manifest health and power but all I manifested was my swift and brutal downfall.
Yes, My Child is a Rescue. It’s The Humane Thing To Do
If you breed your children, you’re literally worse than a hypothetical love child made from the union of Hitler and Stalin, who was then was nannied by Pol Pot.
My Vagina Doesn’t Need To Breathe — I Corked That Bitch!
It's for the best.
Oops! I Think I May Have Over-Exfoliated
As a general rule, you should never exfoliate so much that you accidentally end up brushing your teeth with your finger tips and Clinique facial scrub.
Duolingo Courses Now Teach You How To Talk To Poors
Now the little green owl will guilt you into learning the language of the lowly and the downtrodden!
Bunny Ears Podcast Season Two Episode One: Devon Sawa
Mack and Devon finally end their feud… or do they? A special surprise for Devon digs up the buried hatchet.
My Child’s Private School Is Diverse In That There Are Black Dolls
I couldn't be more thrilled.
Build Wealth Even If Your Business Manager Won’t Suck A Dick For You
Like the say in business school, “Don’t blow your money. Let your money blow you.”
The Bunny Ears Excruciatingly Intimate Gift Guide
You can thank us later.
Hot Piles Of Garbage: Editor Amanda Mannen’s Morning Routine
Amanda lives in Missoula, Montana, so we didn't actually go out there to observe her morning routine firsthand even though LAX is one of the few airports that actually flies…
Macaulay Culkin’s Pointed Guide To Denver
Hey look, it's Denver!
My Son Dialed 1-800-Kars-4-Kids, But They Refused To Give Him A Tesla
Elon Musk is his hero! I tried to explain this to them but they kept asking if I wanted to sponsor the education for some child “in need.”
Cut Down On Screen Time by Mad Dogging Strangers!
Glaring at strangers is the newest most innovative way to cut out time wasted on your phone.
We Found The Key To Stop Aging But It Involves Skinning These Puppies
It's just science.
Fetish of the Month: Docking On Your Bros
Frat parties and butt-chugging kegs are so passé. Sure they get you drunk and horny, but no one’s good at naked stuff when they’ve tossed back too many, so stop…
What’s Your Fursona Based On Your Star Sign?
Just don't call it your spirit animal, okay? That's problematic.
Color Of The Month: White Privilege
The advantages of being white never go out of style!
Our Plans To Glow Up The White House
And the president, vice-president, and several key cabinet members, too!
5 Hot Places We’re Visiting This Winter While You Suckers Freeze
Oof, this sand is maybe *TOO* warm!
Celebrate The Joys Of Adoption By Raising My Stupid Kids
Seriously just fucking take them.
DIY Your Own Candy Hearts by Killing These Majestic Sugar Elves
All you need is a scalpel and some time.
Reach Enlightenment By Providing Feedback On My Talking Hippo Script
Read it and then provide at least several pages of feedback and suggestions. The talking hippo is named Everett and he mostly screams.
This Year, Train Your Body To Tolerate More Pain With Vicodin!
Imagine a world in which knives do not exist. Picture that world, and reach into your aged leather waist satchel for more Vicodin.
The Newest Eco-Cleaning Trend Is Living In Squalor!
Live in the natural squalor you deserve.
Heal Thy Neighbor By Throwing Crystals Through His Window
The guy can really use the help, and I’m here to give it to him one 90 mile-an-hour moonstone fastball at a time.
I’m Wearing This Cone To Better Empathize With My Dog
I will not let my beautiful border collie suffer alone!
Get The Attention You Deserve By Faking A Pregnancy (Again)
This is your special time! Turn every possible opportunity into your favor.
This Plant-Based Colombian Breakfast Will Give You All-Day Energy
Thanks to a single plant, I now have so much fucking all-day energy that I’ve been going non-stop for the last 18 hours and am currently writing this at 4:15…
Macaulay Culkin’s Pointed Guide To Las Vegas
If you’re in Vegas, you’re going to end up with the body of a dead hooker - either accidentally or on purpose, so it’s best to plan ahead!
Choose Circumcision! We Need To Keep Appeasing The Foreskin Wizard
Whatever you think you know is really just the tip.
Choosing The Right PR Firm For Your Racist Kids
With the right team of professionals, your child can avoid any and all consequences.
The Collagen Diet: Crispy Recipes For Eating Your Own Skin
You know, for the health benefits.
We Demand The Immediate Release Of Next Summer’s Fashion Lines
We're standing up for what's right.
We Tried Every Soap On The Market And Are Plagued With Regret
From Goat’s Milk Lavender to Honeysuckle Harmony, they tried them all. Oh God, why?
Redirect Your Anxiety Into Your Children To Make Them Stronger
Because why shouldn't they learn from your fears?
8 Eclectic Bathroom Designs You Could Totally Bust A Fat Log In
Who says you can’t drop anchor and also be inspired?
These Winter Turtlenecks Will Make The Most Of Your Choking Fetish
Yes, if you long for a really fuzzy pair of hands around your throat these amazing winter turtlenecks are the perfect way to blend your kink with your couture!
Luxurious Ski Resorts You Couldn’t Get Into, So Actually Nevermind
You probably wouldn't even know what to do if you did get into one anyway.
Self Care 101: Meditate To The Idea Of The Gang From ‘Entourage’
The bros got Vince through eight seasons and one movie.
How Eating Ass Improved My Gut Health
I had tried everything.