We get it. You’re obsessed with La Croix. San Pellegrino is basically Satan. You can name every flavor, and you even have a La Croix emergency bunker in your basement. For you, it is all La Croix all la time. But what you may not know is that scientists have discovered a correlation between kinks and La Croix flavors. So here’s what your favorite flavor of La Croix says about how you like to get down and dirty.
Peach-Pear: If Peach-Pear is your jam, then you’re likely into the swinging lifestyle. One “flavor” just isn’t enough to satisfy.
Apricot: Fans of Apricot are definitely into being apri-caught cheating on their partners. This is also commonly known as the apri-cuckold.
Coconut: Can someone say Furry? It takes a special kind of person to appreciate a fruit with that much hair on it.
Pure: So you wanted to hop on the La Croix train, but you really aren’t that adventurous. You love the Big Bang Theory, Imagine Dragons, and the mild salsa at Chipotle is a little too spicy for you. La Croix Pure is obviously your favorite, and so is “not sure if the kids are awake or not” missionary. You’re into boring sex, and that’s okay.
Pamplemousse: Did you know that “Pamplemousse” is French for “lover of tentacle porn”?
Lemon: You’re into covering yourself with lemon pledge and cleaning the floors of your apartment with your body. It’s slightly hazardous to your health, but you enjoy living on the edge.
Passionfruit: Lovers of passionfruit are some of the most ardent of body and mind. You’re prone to more sadistic tendencies and are into torturing your partners via complex Rube Goldberg style booby traps.
Tangerine: You enjoy being tied up and tortured with good old fashioned tickling.
Mango: Ah yes, the mango. A true tropical delicacy. You like to do it anywhere near sand. The beach, the Gobi Desert, your neighbor’s sandbox—you just love the feeling of having sand stuck up your ass crack for weeks.
Berry: Spoiler — the “B” in “berry” stands for “bondage.”
Cran-Raspberry: You like crayons melted on top of your bare chest. It hurts so good.
Key Lime: This flavor isn’t for everyone, but neither is doing it with inflatables. The sexiest place on earth for you is the pool accessories aisle at Target.
Orange: You’re really into people from Florida. We aren’t ones to kink shame here at Bunny Ears, but we think it’s time to start re-evaluating a few things about your life.
Lime: You’re into having a bald head dipped in oil and rubbed all over your naked body. Sorry. We don’t make the rules.
There you have it—what your favorite La Croix flavor says about your sex life. We hope you found it enlightening!
Images: Pexels, Daniel Harvey, Flickr (CC 2.0)/Pexels