It’s so hard to find good help these days—both in terms of cleaning your house and in filling the deep, gaping hole left by your parents’ emotional abandonment. That’s why we’re so excited to share Quality Maids with you, the only maid service that has to tell you they love you while they clean.
As these maids sweep, dust, and scrub, they’ll stop every five to 10 minutes and say “I love you.” They’ll even hold your face and wait for you to look up from the ground and into their eyes so you can achieve true intimacy. Even if you just stand around as they clean, looming over them like some kind of lovelorn ghost, they’ll keep saying “I love you” until every last bit of self-loathing is scrubbed out of you. These maids do not give up!
Booking a cleaning/loving couldn’t be more simple—you just head over to their website, schedule a time, and let them know what you need cleaned and what your love language is. The maid shows up with their own cleaning supplies, gifts, and prepared words of affirmation, ready to get to work!
Our one complaint about Quality Maids is their payment structure. While paying for your cleaning is super convenient through their website (you can even tip online!), it’s also a perpetual reminder that their love is based on monetary gain and not specifically because you’re special and deserving of love. Some kind of “unconditional” package could solve this issue—maybe customers could pay some kind of lump sum and not have to worry about ever doing something in the future so bad that their maid stops loving them? Just something for this already-great company to think about for the future!
Like a lot of maid services, Quality Maids does charge extra for some things, including carpets, cleaning inside a fridge or oven, and leaving a bunch of little Post-it notes all over the place for you to find after they go, each one listing something cute you do that makes them smile. And full disclosure—by the end of the cleaning, your house will still be filthy. But don’t say anything. Then they might stop loving you.
Image: Pexels