Bunny Ears is proud to introduce our newest scented candle, Mispronunciation. It’s handmade (wingmade?) by tiny hummingbirds using all organic wax (both bees and ear), and the scent will make you feel like you just heard someone mispronounce a word. It’s schadenfreude sprinkled with notes of superiority and hints of annoyance.
Mispronunciation was inspired by our candlemaker’s recent Tinder match. Upon hearing her date pronounce the appetizer as “char-cutie,” she knew sex was no longer an option and thus was free to funnel the fabulous plate of charcuterie right into her cheese-hole. She immediately began crafting Mispronunciation. The smell of fresh prosciutto and stinky Camembert were the notes she worked with when originally creating this scent. Inspired by her father complaining about his “carpool tunnel syndrome,” she also added scents of the Holland Tunnel on a hot, humid summer day. The olfactory footprints of so many idiot encounters are layered in this complex candle.
We used essential oils of mole and bitter herbs that are safe for you to massage into your skin as the candle melts. If you’ve ever heard your dumb friend Becky talking about the great “Ox-ican” food she had for dinner, the rich mole flavor will resonate and fill you with feelings of sheer irritation and offense for the Oaxacan people. The harsh horseradish notes will bring out your inner-Jew, invoking feelings of sitting at a never-ending Passover seder and hearing your cousin, a sixth-year senior at a community college, ask your 90-year-old grandmother to pass the bitter herbs and pronouncing the “h” in herb. As if she were right next to you, you’ll hear your grandmother tell you about her lurid affair with Herb Goldstein, and the squeamish details of her sex life will burn in your mind forever, almost as long as this candle, which has a burn time of up to 400 hours. How do we do it when most other candles’ average burn times are 60-80 hours? That’s a secret we’ll never tell.
We here at Bunny Ears also believe in avoiding waste, which is why the metallic container housing our candle begs to be reused as an assault weapon the next time the man in front of you at Starbucks orders an “expresso.” Give it a whirl; it’s bound to be useful!
While this candle may seem like it’s for the niche group of folks who have mastered the English language enough to pronounce the word “niche” correctly, the scents will also spark feelings of discomfort and embarrassment in offenders of mispronouncing common everyday words.
So if you are looking for the perfect housewarming, birthday, or “please don’t fire me because I took multiple pregnancy tests in my cubicle” gift, order now! Forget the cliche pumpkin-scented candle this year and order one that will smell like nothing you’ve never experienced before. It’s a doggy dog world in the candle game, but we promise this one is the best around. (That was a test; it’s “dog-eat-dog world,” you halfwit.)