At Bunny Ears, we know that workplace sexual harassment can have lasting effects on both the mind and body. And because it genuinely doesn’t seem like things are getting better any time soon (because the world is garbage), we’ve complied a list of ways to care for yourself after a long day of dealing with the bullshit your boss Kevin likes to calls, “just joshin’ around.”
Coffee Avocado Face Mask
A deep cleansing facial is an excellent way to wind down after managing to not assault strangers on the street telling you to smile. The avocado provides extra hydration and the coffee makes for a natural exfoliant. This will also help with all the laugh lines you’ve formed over the years pretending to laugh at Mark in Accounting’s bad jokes. After this treatment you can sleep at least two hours each night without dreaming he’ll try to sabotage your chance at a promotion if you don’t act like you like him.
Shiatsu Massage
Shiatsu massages are great for unclenching pressure points—even in the parts of your body your boss comments on every day. However, this treatment will not scrub the time he told you your legs are too nice to wear pantyhose from your brain. Nothing ever will.
Deep Tissue Massage
If Shaitsu isn’t your thing, you can also try a deep tissue massage. As the massage therapist applies firm pressure on the large knots in your back, you can think about Mike, who thinks it’s funny to call you “pageant queen” in company meetings and constantly comments on your posture. He’s also the guy who keeps mentioning how sexy your calves look in heels, which only contributes to you receding further into yourself/the poor posture he calls out. Luckily, this treatment will have you standing tall and towering over him in no time (which will definitely make him feel inferior and probably lash out—so be prepared for that).
Pedicure
A pedicure is a small but amazing way to put a spring in your step. Unfortunately, now Mark in Accounting will also comment on your feet if you show your toes. Have there been studies linking men who love bookkeeping with foot fetishes? Seriously. Have there?
Detoxifying Body Scrub
Todd from marketing has suggested you come over to his place for a full body scrub every day since you started working here. Wash the feel of his disgusting remarks off your skin with an actual scrub from a licensed professional in a relaxing environment. As you unwind, you can imagine a world where you go an entire day with receiving an unsolicited or inappropriate comment about your body.
Can you even imagine?
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