If you’re anything like us, you’re probably sick of fancy food nerds telling you that high-end cuisine should be “savored” and not “drowned in condiments.” In fact, we’ve been scolded many a time by lowly waitstaff at fine-dining establishments for bringing in our private stash of delicious ketchups—but we’re not stopping anytime soon. And we’ve decided to share our list of the best ketchup brands to slather all over top-tier steaks. We’ve also included some pairing notes and an estimate of how likely you are to get thrown out of a restaurant for smuggling each brand in.
1. Heinz Hot and Spicy Ketchup
Who doesn’t love a little spice? This hot, pungent tomato base—which is basically just regular ketchup mixed with chili powder—will surely mask the subtle flavors in every bite of your steak.
Best Paired With:
Filet mignon prepared in the classic French style.
Will It Get You Kicked Out of a Steakhouse?
The odds are high!
2. Hunt’s Classic Ketchup
While this ketchup technically works better with venison, we promise you won’t be able to discern any difference in meat quality (or taste or texture!) if you dump enough of it on your steak.
Best Paired With:
A 12 oz New York strip steak marinated for hours and cooked to perfection.
Will It Get You Kicked Out of a Steakhouse?
It’s very (very) likely.
3. Big League ‘Chup
[irp]Don’t “strike out” and leave this one off your grocery list! Categorized by the FDA as “tomato chew,” this ketchup is best when masticated upon for the length of an entire inning of baseball (including commercial breaks.) With Big League ‘Chup, you can really make the taste of steak meaningless in your own style. Whether you prefer to sprinkle the dry flakes on top of your steak or chew on them for awhile before turning your meal into a meaty spittoon, this ketchup is definitely a “home run!”
Best Paired With:
Owning partial “stake” (ha!) in a major league baseball team. But also, any cut of beef over $70.
Will It Get You Kicked Out of a Steakhouse?
Absolutely.
Images: Unsplash/Unsplash/ Google Shopping, Amazon, Homage, Target