Mmmm, do you smell that? Sage, onion, a hint of maple syrup. That’s right, I’ve got stuffing in the oven, and I don’t mean the one in my kitchen! For 2018, Bunny Ears is helping women everywhere develop new and fulfilling Thanksgiving ideas. And today, we’ll show you how to rejuvenate your lady innards by full-filling your childmaker with fun plays on traditional turkey stuffing – just like the Pilgrims would’ve if they’d allowed women to touch their own vaginas! We think by next year, everyone will be saying “It’s just not Thanksgiving without mom’s classic stuffed vag!”
Cramberry Crush
No, we don’t mean “cranberry,” although they’re the main component of this vaginal cleanse. We definitely mean Cramberry, because after you’ve simmered your cranberries with sugar, prosecco, and grated orange peel, you’ll be cramming them directly up your magnificent cornucopia! A good pair of granny panties will help hold those suckers in. We don’t want you popping berries out like kittens in the middle of the buffet line. The acidic cleansing power of the berries will give your sheath a thorough holiday scrubbing – goodbye, any lingering DNA left by Doug From That Bar! You’ll emerge from this vaginal stuffing refreshed, slightly tart, and free from urinary tract infections.
Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Time
The Yammy Yoni
BONUS: BENWA BUTTHOLE POTATOES!
While your yam is roasting, toss a few baby potatoes in as well. Carefully, with a partner’s assistance if necessary, pop them one at a time into your back stuffer. Relax, allowing the wrinkly, papery skin to gently chafe your nethers. Just be careful; if the pleasurable sensation causes you to clench, you’ll end up with mashed potatoes in there, and no one wants to clean that up.
Gramma’s Famous Pumpkin Piehole
Thanksgiving in your vagina is never complete without dessert! Begin by making a custard from roasted organic pumpkin, cream, sugar, and spices. Then, lay on your back with your legs in the air and pour the mixture gently up your babymaker. Remain this way for six to seven hours, allowing the alluring spices and creamy consistency to fully absorb. If you need to get up, we recommend a heavy menstrual pad for sloshing protection – but it won’t do a thing to stop how amazing you’ll smell! We promise no one will call you “basic” if you get your pumpkin spice latte blasted up your cooter!
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