So you’ve decided to call it quits. You have your speech planned, personal belongings packed up, and the phone numbers of the coworkers you can now sleep with. The only thing left is to figure out what kind of flavored coffees to throw in your boss’s face when you tell them you have quit. Which flavor? Hot or cold? Picking the right brew is all about what message you wanna send.
Is your boss a creep? Are you afraid of being in an elevator alone with them? Throw hot French roast in their face. French roast is one of the most common blends amongst the flavored coffees, and being a creep is something that they need to think about on a daily basis. This basic bitch of a blend will consistently remind them of the time someone threw coffee in their face and really make them reconsider telling the new intern how robust they look. It’s the roast that keeps on roasting.
Is your boss bad at their job? Are you sick of upper-managing them and watching them take credit for your hard work? Wake their ass up by throwing an ice-cold nitro brew in their face. This absurdly strong coffee is so high in caffeine that even making skin contact will give you a high-octane jolt. When it gets in their eyes, the symbolism will be impossible to ignore.
Is your boss a powder keg who loves to throw tantrums? Give the baby a bottle and throw an extra-foamy latte in their face. Put it on ice, though. Get it? It’s hot and cold. Have someone videotape the whole thing. Hotheads losing their minds make great viral videos.
Is your boss passive aggressive? Petty? Childish? An easy way to tell is if you can’t even imagine them giving an apology. Throw their favorite flavor of coffee in their face. Make sure to get just the right number of Splendas in there. They will appreciate the irony.
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