I recently read a self-help article that said one of the best things you can do for yourself is to say “yes” to all new experiences. I’m pretty sure this article was written by a man, because when I tried it, it ruined my life.
Saying Yes Takes Both Time and Money
My morning began with the usual one thousand messages from men in my DMs. Every woman and femme knows this is the norm. But this time, I had to say yes to all the requests. After I got finished taking numerous photographs, giving out hours of free emotional labor, and flying to Australia for some reason (I got no further instructions so I flew back), I was ready to start my work day. Also, I was two days late because of the whole “flying to Australia” thing.
Saying Yes May Result in Nipple Clamps
As a woman in retail, I hear a lot of creeps say, “Can you model this for me?” And I usually ignore them. But this time, I was saying “yes.” I was embracing the now. This time, I had to put on five bras, six skirts, three gowns, 50 bracelets, and a nipple clamp some customer just had on hand for some reason. Thank god my boss asked me to “take all that off,” but I wish she would have been more specific. According to the article, you’re supposed to say “yes” and not let any of your “mental qualifiers” get in the way. Turns out “qualifiers” sometimes mean “basic self-protection.” Anyway, I got fired.
I Had to Say Yes to THIS:
On my way home I got ANOTHER DM from a strange man asking me to “be his mommy.” I rushed to his house, terrified of what I might be saying yes to. Thankfully, this was the one request I got all day that wasn’t sexual. But somehow that made the “mommy” experience even worse.
This Has Been a Living Nightmare
While walking home from the whole “mommy” thing, I got catcalled by a guy who said, “Marry me with that ass!” This was the one time saying “yes” actually worked out, because he ran away. Unfortunately, as he was running, I saw a billboard ad looking for human test subjects for a birth control drug. I’m stuck in this lab now. The side effects are horrendous and the doctors don’t care.
Fuck saying “yes.”
Images: Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash