Mascot Chic on the Runway As Biscuit LeGravee Introduces His New Fall Collection

All the thrill of a luxury box came together with all the extravagance of breakfast cereal and expensive, watered-down beer last night for the big reveal of designer Biscuit LeGravee’s new Mascot Chic fall 2018 collection, at Paris’ Chateau De Deudoux’s D’Angelo D’artagnan pavilion

Clad in puffy couture augmented with such touches as Persian peacock feathers and Romanian flax, dusted off with a generous after-spray of essence de cigarillo and Pis d’Lush for that authentic ballpark aroma, the models sauntered down the runway in mathematically precise “wacky” gaits, occasionally pausing to mimic the non-motion of a particular spectator.

LeGravee’s radical new fashion style is a significant departure from the typical, more-slimming outfits favored by the fashion industry at large, but that’s by design, xe says, adding, “Sometimes instead of revealing, it is sexier to hide, you know? I wanted to make a statement about the warm and wacky side women are obliged to display to the outside world lest they be thought of as unkind and aggressive, but inside they can be crying. It’s their choice.”

The Buggles the Bumblebee collection, in particular, is intended to represent the sting in the tail that such emotional suppression can occasionally bring out; at the high end, a mother-of-pearl based rhinestone stinger is removable and detachable. The Chocky Chihuahua line, meanwhile, is more affordable, for those who yearn for a return to innocence hugged by the warm trappings of the Cocoa Sugar Smashers box icon.

Ambrosia Hilton, the Hilton sister we’ve never written about until now because she’s just not that interesting, was seated front and center. When a model wearing the Las Vegas Loon-A-Tick outfit pretended to trip and fall, she gasped. It was a shocking facial expression in a room full of people who otherwise lacked them.

Will we see mascots everywhere, even outside of sports arenas and commercials, by Christmas? Rival designer Batros Lamarchand, who’s been working on a new line of designer thongs based on household cleaning products, isn’t so sure. “It’s tough to fit through a door in something like that,” he scoffs. “Plus it’s just so asexual, you know?”

But, A. Pupp (not his real name), chairman of the Furry Fetishists Association of America, disagrees. “It’s totally hot!” he barked at us over the phone. “I like it! Ruff!” Through a spokesperson later, Pupp expressed particular enthusiasm that cartoon ponies would be incorporated into future designs in the collection, specifically noting, “We all really hope they leave the door ajar for a quadruped expansion.”

That aside, the crowds in attendance were enthusiastic, raising their voices periodically above whispers as they enjoyed a light meal of cigarettes and unconsecrated communion wafers. It seems safe to say LeGravee’s reputation is secure at the moment, but how can a departure this drastic possibly be topped?

According to the designer, it’s just three words:

“The podcast collection.”

We can’t wait until next fashion week!