These Trendy Salads Were Recalled But Oh God We’re Gonna Eat Them Anyway
The hottest new salad proteins are hopefully maggots, because that’s definitely what’s in this trendy salad pack we bought three weeks ago!
Savory Ice Cream Flavors Created by Some Monster
Check out our reviews of these actual savory ice cream flavors apparently made by demon aliens who want to ruin everything you love in this world.
Hot Fashion Trend: Wearing Your Parents’ Underwear
Your mom’s sensible beige bra is going to look soooo good on you.
Elbows Are Out: Hinges Made of Lincoln Logs Are In
Not only are my Lincoln Log hinges fashionable they also make so many daily activities better. No longer do I have to worry about damaging my joints when I do yoga.
Bone Broth Is Out, Gnawing On Bones Is In!
Why waste time boiling stacks of the flayed dead so you can suckle the runoff when you can cut out the middle man and get all the nutrients you need direct from the source?
Go Green! Use Solar Powered Bulldozers To Level That Jungle For Your Handbag Factory
There’s a lot of pressure to go green these days, and with good reason. It’s important to be seen doing your part to save the environment. I guess you could also quietly implement a recycling program and cut back on air travel, but if you want to really take advantage of all the ways saving […]
Chaxing: The Hot New Teen Trend Where You Give My Church One Half Of Your Salary
Parents hate it! Old people fear it! The government technically allows it under the Religious Liberty and Charitable Donation Protection Act of 1998! It seems that teens these days are scrambling to try out the hot new trend of church-taxing, or “chaxing.” It’s a lit craze that involves a 8323 tax form, one signed and […]
An Entirely Non-Self Serving Pros and Cons List of Why You Should Hire Me To Help You Shower
For some people, the shower is a place of absolute comfort where you can sing, formulate insane Fresh Prince fan theories, or even shed a few tears without judgment. For others, the shower is a place of vulnerability, where the ultimate embarrassment or a knife-wielding maniac is only separated by the tug of a curtain. […]
Public Executions And Fashion: What To Wear While You Watch A Man Die
Maybe you live in a troubled nation where the forces of evil reign over the powerless; where the corrupt feed on a diet of fear and hatred; where information is suppressed and dissenters are silenced; where the defenseless and the undesirables are expelled, imprisoned, or worse. Or maybe you don’t live in America or in […]
Mascot Chic on the Runway As Biscuit LeGravee Introduces His New Fall Collection
All the thrill of a luxury box came together with all the extravagance of breakfast cereal and expensive, watered-down beer last night for the big reveal of designer Biscuit LeGravee’s new Mascot Chic fall 2018 collection, at Paris’ Chateau De Deudoux’s D’Angelo D’artagnan pavilion Clad in puffy couture augmented with such touches as Persian peacock […]
What’s “In” This Month: March 2018
March can be a tough month for fashion, for keeping up with trends, and for maintaining spiritual wellness. It comes in like a lion, and goes out like a lamb. It ushers the end of winter. It’s a time of transition, where you may find yourself struggling to try something new and daring. You may […]