All The Colors We’re Painting Our Fall Foliage This Season
It’s time to cover up that unsightly green.
Simple Halloween Costumes That Will Take Several Minutes To Explain
‘Are you on Twitter? Okay, let’s back up.’
What Nail Polish To Wear Based On Who You’re Flipping Off Today
Because it definitely will be someone.
The Hottest New Look Is Bleaching Then Tie-Dying Your Butthole
Bleaching your butthole is out. Bleaching then TIE-DYING your butthole is very in.
I Dressed Like Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater For A Week And I Still Can’t Kickflip
I guess this is one trick I was never meant to nail.
Designer Strap Ons: His Dick May Be Real, But Yours Is 9 Inches of Dior
Read on for the latest trends in dildo couture.
Glasses You’ll Look Hot In Provided You Are Already Hot
Want to look hot? Get a pair of glasses They’ll make you look hot. Especially if you’re already hot.
The Newest Spring Color Is Gray Because All The Plants Have Died
We might be living in a lifeless, barren wasteland, but it’s nothing a little color wouldn’t spruce up if we hadn’t killed every color but grey!
Six Spring Divorce Court Looks Guaranteed To Give Him Full Custody
If the nanny isn’t watching these kids YOU shouldn’t have to. Check out our divorce court wardrobe advice and make sure HE gets custody.
Get That Look: Grimace
Use this guide, and everywhere you go, people will think that you’re the real Grimace!
Ask A $715 Cashmere Beanie
You have questions, this luxurious cashmere beanie has answers. Everything from relationship advice to grooming habits, this cashmere beanie can help!
Hot Fashion Trend: Wearing Your Parents’ Underwear
Your mom’s sensible beige bra is going to look soooo good on you.
The Hottest Mid-Post-Winter-Pre-Spring Trends: 2019 Edition
Think about a heavy coat and also goggles.
7 Hot Jackets You Can Tie Around Your Neck Like A Cape
Congrats, you’re a superhero now. Off to save the day!
Elbows Are Out: Hinges Made of Lincoln Logs Are In
Not only are my Lincoln Log hinges fashionable they also make so many daily activities better. No longer do I have to worry about damaging my joints when I do yoga.
Check Out Our Winter Jumpers With Absolutely No Implications Of Blackface
Could you imagine if someone actually made a blackface jumper and sold it?
Redirect Your Anxiety Into Your Children To Make Them Stronger
Because why shouldn’t they learn from your fears?
These Winter Turtlenecks Will Make The Most Of Your Choking Fetish
Yes, if you long for a really fuzzy pair of hands around your throat these amazing winter turtlenecks are the perfect way to blend your kink with your couture!
I’d Quit My Fashion Job But I Love Dressing Rich People As Literal Dicks
For me, it started small. It was a beanie that looked like a dick.
Barney The Dinosaur On Shopping, Sex, And His Healthy Purple Glow
We’re all about the icons of the ’90s, and perhaps no one is more iconic of that simpler time than Barney the Dinosaur. We grew up alongside that taxonomically ambiguous purple creature, so it’s only natural that he also grew up alongside us. What you may not know (but, of course, we do, because we […]
The Hottest Snow Gear You Can Still Fuck In
We would never want to cramp your hump-pumping with the cruel reality of below freezing weather.
Chic Winter Dresses That Scream ‘AGGHHH I’M NOT A DRESS I’M ALIIIVE’
“YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME I’M REALLY ALIVE!” says the body-hugging gown…
If Your Shoes Aren’t Transformers, What The Fuck Is Even The Point?
I have goddamn robot shoes. What now?
How Many Patterned Prints Can You Layer Before You Upset Xxottlogyax?
Turns out Textile Gods are easily angered
Breast Milk Jewelry Is A Thing, But Why Stop At That Bodily Fluid?
There are so many more fluids to exploit!
Cute Purses That Won’t Hold Your Emotional Baggage
This third one definitely won’t help with your crippling social anxiety!
Which Thought-Reading Prevention Hat Is Right For You?
Nowadays, thankfully, there are many different kinds of hats that prevent thought-theft… too many, in fact.