I’d Quit My Fashion Job But I Love Dressing Rich People As Literal Dicks
For me, it started small. It was a beanie that looked like a dick.
Barney The Dinosaur On Shopping, Sex, And His Healthy Purple Glow
We’re all about the icons of the ’90s, and perhaps no one is more iconic of that simpler time than Barney the Dinosaur. We grew up alongside that taxonomically ambiguous purple creature, so it’s only natural that he also grew up alongside us. What you may not know (but, of course, we do, because we […]
The Hottest Snow Gear You Can Still Fuck In
We would never want to cramp your hump-pumping with the cruel reality of below freezing weather.
If Your Shoes Aren’t Transformers, What The Fuck Is Even The Point?
I have goddamn robot shoes. What now?
Breast Milk Jewelry Is A Thing, But Why Stop At That Bodily Fluid?
There are so many more fluids to exploit!
Cute Purses That Won’t Hold Your Emotional Baggage
This third one definitely won’t help with your crippling social anxiety!
Which Thought-Reading Prevention Hat Is Right For You?
Nowadays, thankfully, there are many different kinds of hats that prevent thought-theft… too many, in fact.
How To Dress Like A Boss When Your Boss Is A Dog Who Inherited A Fortune
Navigating the minefield of corporate America is tough for everyone, even celebrity lifestyle guest bloggers. I realized recently that I’ve gotten neither a promotion nor a raise, not even the customary 1.5% cost of living bump, in three years. Luckily, I figured out what I needed to do. I needed to start dressing like a boss. My […]
PTA Fashion Essentials: How To Show The Other Moms You Rarely Get Day Drunk Anymore
I guess some people would claim it’s my own fault that the PTA moms don’t want me to hang out anymore. You wear one inside-out bikini to your daughter’s kindergarten graduation, and all of the sudden, it’s “I’m sorry, I already made plans for the weekend” and “Oh, we’re not inviting the whole class to Tegan’s […]
Color Of The Month: Begrudging Summer Camp Tie-Dye
As summer comes to a close, we find ourselves desperately grasping at its last wispy strands, before fall settles in and we have to wear real clothes again. That’s why this month’s color of the month is Begrudging Summer Camp Tie-Dye. Tie-dye was invented by baby boomers when they were adults and could appreciate the […]
Color Of The Month: Asphyxiation
Kink shaming is a thing of the past; now, it’s all about body positivity and living your best life. You do you, figuratively or literally. It doesn’t really matter. Life is short, and we are all going to die. Our color of the month, asphyxiation, is a trendy way to showcase your hidden desires to […]
This Year’s Hottest Diseases and How to Get Them
Just like fashion, the medical world is ever-evolving at an ever-increasing pace. The diseases of yore, like syphilis and tuberculosis, had their moments for entire decades, sometimes even centuries. But these days, you can hardly catch the latest sexy yet pitiable disease, much less cure it, before the next big thing comes along. Last year, […]
Dress For The Job You Want: Superintendent of the Division of Unclaimed Funds Akil Hardy
I’ve always been a naturally career-driven person. Promotions, raises, jealous water cooler gossip. This is what I live for. Some people choose to focus on their families or whatever, and that’s … fine. But for me, there’s nothing quite like climbing the corporate ladder. The number one key to success is … well, knowing the […]
Lifestyle Tips I Learned From the Cadavers on Bones
Television inevitably influences the fashion sense of its viewers (raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by “the Rachel”), though you may not think a series like Bones, focusing as it does on the maggot-covered remains of terribly unfashionable people, has much to offer in that regard. Well, I’m here to tell you that […]
7 Fragrances That Will Remind You Grandma’s Gone Forever
These refined, often floral perfumes are timeless classics. They will make you feel sophisticated and chic and also remind you that grandma is dead forever. Scent is the strongest sense tied to memory, so spray some of the below fragrances on that hot young bod and remind yourself that grandma’s never coming back! 1.) Chanel […]
Bungee Cord Bikinis Anyone Can Wear, Whether You’re An Instagram Model Or A Nissan Cube
To end stressful and frustrating swimsuit shopping this year, we have narrowed down your options to the most stylish swimsuit on the market, the bungee cord bikini. From curvier frames to athletic body types, we’re helping to make sense of your endless swimwear options and will help pick the best ones to flatter your frame. It doesn’t matter if […]
Public Executions And Fashion: What To Wear While You Watch A Man Die
Maybe you live in a troubled nation where the forces of evil reign over the powerless; where the corrupt feed on a diet of fear and hatred; where information is suppressed and dissenters are silenced; where the defenseless and the undesirables are expelled, imprisoned, or worse. Or maybe you don’t live in America or in […]
The Hot New Fashion Trend of 2018 – Wearing The Flesh Of Your Enemies
We’re already several months into the new year, and odds are you’re still wearing the same dirty old wardrobe from 2017. Fearful of making some terrible error in fashion, you’re clinging to the dusty threads that by all rights should’ve been mothballed, or, better yet, burned, the instant the clock struck midnight on January 1st. […]
Hot Looks for A Night Out on The Vegas Strip
Move over Paris and New York, Las Vegas has got something to say about fashion. The scene here is all about showing off your body, with complete disregard to the actual shape, size and proper fit. When you’re dressing for a Vegas night out, you leave any regards to common decency at home and show the […]
Make Your Torso Famous With These MUST-HAVE T-Shirts
A heartbreaking statistic has recently been brought to our attention: Less than 1% of the population is famous. Here at Bunny Ears, where most of us have been famous for most of our lives, this is difficult to understand. Have you maybe just… tried being famous? Listen, whatever your reasoning, we can assure you, life […]
Avoid Fashion Faux Pas When Digging Through Your Neighbor’s Trash
Have you ever eyed a particularly attractive garbage can and wanted ever so desperately to rummage through its bewitching contents, but just didn’t have on the right scarf? Have you ever felt shame when sifting through your neighbor’s trash can because you wore socks with sandals that day? This is the article for you. Here […]
Mascot Chic on the Runway As Biscuit LeGravee Introduces His New Fall Collection
All the thrill of a luxury box came together with all the extravagance of breakfast cereal and expensive, watered-down beer last night for the big reveal of designer Biscuit LeGravee’s new Mascot Chic fall 2018 collection, at Paris’ Chateau De Deudoux’s D’Angelo D’artagnan pavilion Clad in puffy couture augmented with such touches as Persian peacock […]
Fashion Finders: Searching For Style At A Police Auction
Welcome to Fashion Finders! Your go-to source for finding hidden haute couture treasures off the beaten path. Any fashionista worth their salt knows all the hottest retailers in NYC, London, Tokyo, etc. But to be on the bleeding edge of style, you need to be ahead of the crowd. You need to take the road […]
What’s “In” This Month: March 2018
March can be a tough month for fashion, for keeping up with trends, and for maintaining spiritual wellness. It comes in like a lion, and goes out like a lamb. It ushers the end of winter. It’s a time of transition, where you may find yourself struggling to try something new and daring. You may […]
Hoodies: Zip-Ups vs. Pull-Overs (A Definitive Guide For Garbage People)
The debate is as old as the internet itself. Who knows, it may be even as old as the sweater itself – we have no way of knowing. And yet still, today, in 2018, the argument rages on: which type of hoodie is superior: the zip-up or the pull-over? You may be asking why, at […]
Vintage Looks So Authentic We Swear You’ll Contract Polio
Vintage looks are not only environmentally sustainable enough to cancel out brunch queen’s Skyler’s HydroFlask collection, but donning retro style will never stop being stylish AF. They symbolize the poise and elegance of a time long gone, when slim silhouettes were both chic and easily maintained by contracting that helpful calorie-burning whooping cough. Here are […]
The Hottest Mid-Post-Winter-Pre-Spring Trends: 2019 Edition
Think about a heavy coat and also goggles.
Ask A $715 Cashmere Beanie
You have questions, this luxurious cashmere beanie has answers. Everything from relationship advice to grooming habits, this cashmere beanie can help!
Ball Wrinkles Are Out! Get Super Smooth Balls With These Testicle Wrinkle Treatments
Are your testicles smooth, fashionable add-ons or veritable Truck Nutz®? Balls are your body’s ultimate accessory, and you should care for them as such. Wrinkly testicles are SO OUT! You want your testicles to be shiny, spherical orbs for you and your partner(s) to enjoy. Here are some Bunny Ears–approved treatments that will get your […]
Fall Trends: What’s In (Plaid!) And What’s Out (All Of Your Most Closely Guarded Secrets)
To make sure you don’t get caught dead with last year’s trends, here’s a round-up of what’s in and what’s out this fall.
The Best Gifts For Father’s Day (And Yes They Are All Ties)
Hey, these are amazon links. If you actually buy some stuff we get a little bit of money. HISDERN Plaid Tie And Handkerchief Ok, Fine. Soophen Mens Necktie Sure. ABP Ties For Men: Set Of Two Fuck it.
Buy All The Baggy Pants You’ll Need In 20 Years In Bulk Now
Fashion is cyclical. What used to be popular decades ago will be popular again. (Get ready for powdered wigs and not showering!) That’s why it’s crucial that you buy all the baggy pants you’ll need in 20 years in bulk now so you’re ready when they become popular again. Don’t think baggy pants could ever […]
I Will Passionately Defend My Middle School Whispstache
Hello, concerned adults and classmates! I’m a man now. I’m sorry you feel so threatened by this that you need to pretend your problem is with my beautiful lip fringe. Being a man means I can wear the same underwear for two weeks, shout horrible slurs playing PUBG, and start rumors about Anya using special-order jumbo […]
7 Hot Jackets You Can Tie Around Your Neck Like A Cape
Congrats, you’re a superhero now. Off to save the day!
How Many Patterned Prints Can You Layer Before You Upset Xxottlogyax?
Turns out Textile Gods are easily angered
Six Spring Divorce Court Looks Guaranteed To Give Him Full Custody
If the nanny isn’t watching these kids YOU shouldn’t have to. Check out our divorce court wardrobe advice and make sure HE gets custody.
I Burned Facts To Create The “Perfect Smoky Eye” And Here’s What Happened
So everyone’s all mad about that Michelle Wolf White House Correspondents’ Dinner routine the other night. “Boo! She was mean to the press! She was mean to the president!” But they’re totally missing the point that she actually gave some great makeup advice in there. Burn facts to get the perfect smoky eye? Like, if […]
Spring’s Hottest Looks Straight From The Runway
Spring is around the corner and if you’re an aspiring fashionista like me, you’ll want to get your hands on these latest must-have items. I’ve scoured the runway searching for the best finds and I’ve got five here that do not disappoint! I’ll be rocking these pieces all spring long. Trust me, you’ll want to […]
Flowy Dresses That’ll Make Wind Go, ‘Whoosh! Me Wanna See What’s Under There!’
We’ve got looks are so flirtatiously feminine that they’ll literally make the sky blast gusts of wind up your skirt like the top dog on your neighborhood’s predator watchlist.
Get That Look: Grimace
Use this guide, and everywhere you go, people will think that you’re the real Grimace!