I’m sure I’m not the only man whose penis molts twice a year—but it can feel like it sometimes. It’s shocking how little information there is out there about something literally every guy in the world and not just me experiences, right guys? Right?
After a quick Google search, you’d think you were the only man in history whose penis sheds its skin as part of what you have to assume is its natural life cycle because there’s no actual information out there about it. That’s why I want to let every man reading this know that it’s okay to talk about your molting penis slithering out of the crusty opaque shell of its former self to emerge renewed and seemingly younger than before. Feel free to openly discuss it with somebody like, say, me, specifically.
I remember the first time my penis ever shed its skin. I was 13 years old and scared. No one ever tells you that one day you’ll notice some light dryness on your penis and then the next day the skin all around it sloughs off, leaving behind a grotesque skin sleeve. No one ever told me anything about it afterwards, either. And then every time I’d bring it up, people would look at me funny and I’d say “Haha just kidding” and I’d never bring it up again.
I know I’m not alone in this. I really, really hope I’m not alone in this. Which is why men should be more vocal about their penis molt. Your penis sheds like mine. Just admit it already! Just admit that every so often you wake up terrified thinking there’s a snake in your bed, but no, it’s just that your penis has shed again. It’s time to open up about these things that are definitely happening to you, too, because I’m really putting myself out here right now, okay?
If even just one man reading this also has a penis that molts, please contact me immediately. We have a lot to talk about.
Images: Unsplash