OK, so: I was given this…color as our color of the month and told to write about it. I have no idea what to call this color. None. This month’s color is…rose…ish? No, less red than that. More orange. Apricot? Coral? Peach? Cantaloupe? Something like that. Maybe Salmon color. What does Salmon color even look like? Shouldn’t it be silver? Do we name the color after their insides? Half these color names are foods which makes this even more confusing. I need to find another way to get a handle on this. Maybe I should think in terms of nail polish?
OK, the closest nail polish color to our color is called “Dump Him, Guuurl.” So that’s not super helpful. Other close nail polish colors are “Size Matters” and “Sexx Danish.” I guess apricot danishes are the sexiest? I’m not actually sure this is super accessible. I also feel like maybe this color has more pink in it than I’m giving it credit for. Blush? Is that a color or just a kind of makeup? Not all blushes are this color. I think I need to find another way to measure color besides makeup.
Maybe paint? Yeah, I’m going to look at some paint swatches. OK, so the color of the month is “Emotional.” Or maybe “Charisma?” Is it “Naive Peach?” It might be Naive Peach. This isn’t any better than the makeup. Never mind. I’ll try HTML.
Alright, the HTML color code for this is #FA8072. Is that helpful? Maybe it’s closer to #FF5733? No, too red. #FB897C, maybe, but that’s a little rosier than the color I was assigned. Okay, HTML is somehow less accessible than the nail polish (and all this HTML is making me very aware that I need to delete my high school Livejournal.) Maybe I should just say the color of the month is Dump Him Guurl and call it a day. I still have like three articles to write about vaginal exorcisms. I can’t be spending all my time on this very stupid color. Oh god, I hope my poetry about Gerard Way isn’t still up on Livejournal!
My thesaurus says this color is “rubicund,” “florid,” or “healthy.” I feel like those words are even less accessible than the HTML. Healthy for what? Where? Why? It’s a “healthy” color for a flamingo I guess. They eat lots of salmon. Back to Salmon (color)! Maybe I should just settle on calling the color of the month “Salmon.” It feels like that’s not quite right though. Salmon are a little less orange than this. If we’re going by fish, this color is way closer to Flowerhorn Cichlid. There’s no way I can hand this in and say the color of the month is Flowerhorn Cichlid. But look them up, I swear, they’re this color! Or at least parts of them are. Other parts of them aren’t. Fuck!
This color kind of looks like that time I put yellow concealer on my acne or…you ever see a blonde person’s nipples? It’s like that. That color. What the hell do I call that? Please help me. I owe 600 words on this mystery color by tomorrow, and I’m still so confused.
OK, finally, I’ve settled on it. This month’s color of the month is “Some But Not All Cow Udders.” Thank you.
mages: Pixabay.com
View Comments (3)
Lmao. A hilarious read. And I completely relate. "Some but not all cow udders" 😂
SALMON!
Funny read... Kudos!
BTW I think the actual color is Salmon Coral, which is currently OUT OF STOCK EVERYWHERE. I have been searching for hours to find another paint to no avail. Thanks for the good read though.